What is green and looks like a blue car? A Green car

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bacon

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful busness man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a jew. One's a tasty delicious snack and the other one's a pizza.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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What's 21 and pregnant? Ariana Grande

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What do you call a dead baby who died by getting ran over by a car? Jimmy

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What is big, green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell on you? A pool table.

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Why was the little kid bullied? Because kids are goats.

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How many Lepers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? People with leprosy should not be doing general house keeping.

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Justin Beiber walks into a bar. He is not served any alcohol because he is not yet 21.

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Roses are red. Violets are black. Why is ur chest as flat as ur back?

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What's green and says I'm a frog? A talking frog

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Knock Knock. I paid good money for a doorbell. Use it, please.

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Why was Jimmy upset? Someone kept pouring liquid nitrogen on him.

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What's the difference between a bike and a black man? I don't know how to ride a bike.

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What did the deaf guy get for Christmas? An iTunes gift card

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A chicken , a dog and a horse walked into a bar. There were going to the vets but were confused.

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how many times did lucy's mom drop her baby on its head? none, her mom died giving birth.....

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What's the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman is a fictional superhero and a black man is an ordinary man of African descent.

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I found someone on the ground who wasn't breathing and had no pulse.They must have been in a damn deep sleep.

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What does a black guy do to a white girl when the lights go off and there's a bed in the room? They go to sleep so they can have enough energy to work their two jobs and provide for their family after they've been evicted from their home.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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"It's a blimp, it's a hot air balloon!" "No wait, it's your mom."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops