A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," replies the second man. I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the rapist say to the child? Contrary to popular belief, I am just a kind old man that likes to hand out sweets to disadvantaged young children. I only got dubbed a rapist when a child crawled into the back of my van as I drove off; the fact that his abusive father was the one who raped him is not my fault.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How did the Muslim pilot die? He had a fatal heart attack while flying over the Atlantic and as a result the 300 passengers died by drowning.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Cripples are lame.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm bad at poems... Nice t*ts

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: Why did the little girl fall from the swing? A: Because she didn't have arms. Q2: And why did she fall from the swing again? A2: Because she tried to get on it again.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What color is Michael Jackson? Pale because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sunflowers are yellow, Daises are white.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Knock knock. Who's there? It's Tyler Oh hey, come in

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Once there was a giant Pringle. His family was dead, his wife committed suicide. So one day he was walking to work, when he met a genie! The genie granted him three wishes. The Pringle's first wish was to have lots of money. His second wish was to have his wife back. Before he could complete his wishing, he awoke in a hospital where he was hooked up to life support and was in severe pain. His wife wasn't really dead, but he was out drinking and accidentally walked across a motorway and got hit by a huge lorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

What's green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree, it'll kill you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did little Jimmy fall off his bike? Because I threw a fridge at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

why didn't sue come to her son's baseball game? because he doesn't play baseball, he lost his arms in a horrible plane crash. besides, sue died in that accident anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If you had 4 oranges in one hand and 7 oranges in the other, what would you have? Really big hands.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

12345678910111213141516171819whatcomesnext

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why did Kanye interrupt Taylor Swift at the VMA's? because he had a little too much scotch before the ceremony

thumb_up thumb_down

how to name your chinese kid. throw a spoon dow the stairs

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You know most poems rhyme, This one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is a pirates favorite crime? Piracy, which is still a serious problem in today's society.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the Blonde do when she saw train tracks? She walked over slowly, looked both ways, and crossed safely

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you confuse a bar tender? You ask him how tender he is.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the babysitter only get paid 50 cents for a whole day. Because he was a 6 foot mexican.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops