A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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Why didn't the little boy have a good time at his birthday party? Because his friends lit him on fire.

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, as asks the man running the stand, "Hey, got any grapes?" The man suffers a heart attack from the shock of a talking duck

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They usually say "fuck" the police! But no one wants to fuck the police...

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A man jumps of the roof of his building. The superindentant now owns the building and the man who jumped off the building has 59 fractures. Oh and he died.

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Jesus walks on water, Humans are 70% water, I can walk on humans, Therefore i am 70% Jesus.

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One day there was 2 black guys in hoodys with knives in there hand. They tapped me on the shoulder and took my groceries. They then made me a jam sandwich and went on there way

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What do Grant and Lee have in common? They're both black males

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what movie can a retarded 8 year old play the lead role in. Zathura

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Yo mama so old, she must take arthritus medicine to keep out of extreme pain.

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What do you call a fish with no "i's"? A blind fish.

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What did the hose say to the sprinkler? I'm gonna squirt you.

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A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

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what did the little boy get for christmas? nothing his parents stuck him in a mental ward to forget about him because he was mentally challenged.

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What do you call a black man at KFC? A customer.

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What did the elephant say to the naked man? "Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"

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What is striped black and white? A prisoner in jail arrested for the murder and rape of a 7 year old child.

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when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

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roses are red violets are blue im not good at poems so fuck you too.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind, which both make it very unsafe for her to drive.

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What happened to the child drowning in a pool? He was saved by the well-trained lifeguard.

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Why couldn't Jimmy eat his food? Because I threw a microwave at him

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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(two firefighters are climbing an undersea mountain in Brazil) Why do elephants fear the natural causes of silver icecream cones? Because the cars in the parking garage jump the moon while doing jumping jacks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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