Three people are stranded on an island. They didn't want to eat each other because they were friends. They died of starvation.

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how much will u suck my dick for? $100, $50, $25, o u said none so u give freebees!!!!

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Your mama so fat that when she cut herself gravey came out and we drank it too!

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How can you tell a baby lost it's voice? It doesn't scream when you staple it to a ceiling fan and turn it on.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Eat a d!ck you sh!t fukk! I'm going have to ask you leave now

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Knock knock Who's there? Mike Mike who? Mike Davis from across the street. Come in.

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter and now I am dead." It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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what did the one girl say to the other girl? i like your shoes.

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Do you know why I am excited? I don't know I'm asking you.

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Two blondes walks into a tavern, which is kind of funny, since the second one should have seen it.

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what do you call a clown in makeup? a clown, clowns are supposed to wear makeup.

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roses are blue violets are red heres a gun now your dead

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What did the Blonde do when she saw train tracks? She walked over slowly, looked both ways, and crossed safely

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what do you call someone who cant breathe? dead

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Knock Knock. Not home.

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What did the penguin say to the fisherman? Nothing, they are different animals, and thus, unable to communicate.

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A man walks into a bar his alcoholism is tearing his family apart

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Why did the black man offer the girl flowers? It was his niece's birthday.

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Kim Jong Un thinks that he is in shape. And when you think about it, he's right. Round is a shape.

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Knock Knock Sadly the old woman was death and didn't hear the door knock.

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Q: What happened when lost John lost his crack cocaine? A: He bought some weed.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? Stuck

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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There's a black guy, a yellow guy, and a white guy. Which one survives? All of them do. See. I'm not racist!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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