How do you choke a lawyer? You squeeze his neck until he stops breathing.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

HAHAH MY WORD IS HAPPY CLAPPY

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A horse walks into a bar. The Barman asks "why the long face?" The horse says "My son was recently killed in a horrific horse racing accident"

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How many fish does it take to brush their teeth? Jp's worth of fish isn't enough.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey. Posted by: BerserkSpoon

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the Japanese kid get for his birthday? Nothing, his gifts were washed away.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He flapped his wings, hovered, and the road crossed beneath him.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Wheres my hood? Behind your neck.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the moose cross the road? Migration.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

whats funny? this joke. just kidding. your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what is the difference between Rick Perry and Lindsay Lohan? it only takes Lindsay 4 1/2 hours to finish a sentance.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Please save our environment :) Dont use electricity. Use gas! Like Hitler.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I pregnant woman wakes in the night because she had a mis-carriage.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why don't men have menstruation? -Because it sucks

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's black and sits at the top of the stair case? Stephen hawking in a house fire.......

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why did the chicken cross the road? to touch the goats beard

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are Red, Vilots are blue Im going to kill myself Bye

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between Elisabeth Fritzl and Pope John Paul II? Pope John Paul II wasn't imprisoned and raped continuously over a 24 year period in a horrific act of cruelty by his father

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red, violets are blue.. Oh i can't finish joke coz i gotta go poo ! :/

thumb_up thumb_down +13

a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Chuck Norris never shows emotion!!!... because he is a pragmatic person and thinks in a more logical manner.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man walks into a bar,gets a drink, and then leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was the plumber sad? Because his family died in a car crash

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops