You know you are really drunk if your blood alcohol Is higher than .08

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A young boy is concerned about the well- being of his father, due to the fact he may have cancer. Turns out, he doesn't. So they got ice cream.

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock? Who's there? Not Mary.

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The cow's name was Friday, But can you guess what day it died? Monday, it had a fun weekend with its family before it was brutally slaughtered.

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What do u do to blow off steam? I simply go to the top of the empire states building, poor gasoline in a bag, put a baby in it, light it on fire, and through it off the side. problem?

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

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Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

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What do you call a blonde that just got hit by a school bus? Dead.

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Q: Whats about two feet in width and length with purple veins throbbing at the sides? A: A midget slowly dying of frostbite

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"Torture the orphans as much as you want. Who they gonna tell? Their parents?"

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Why did Paul let Johnny choke to death? Because Paul had no arms.

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What happens when you fire a machine gun clip into a jew? You are convicted on first degree murder, and most likely sentenced to jail because you can't afford a good lawyer. Orange jumpsuits are uncomfortable.

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roses are red violets are blue i've got alzheimer's ...

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Who's the best German Chef? Hitler

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Roses are red My name is Dave This makes no sense Microwave

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how did superman die? he got cought in a plane engine!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To try and get hit by a car.

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A black man walked into a bar. He cashed in big on workers comp.

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A frog and a toad eat a pie and then realize it is weird and then die.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse becomes depressed. He didn't ask to look like this. He drinks himself into a stupor, and then crashes into another car on the highway on the way home, killing a family of five. The horse is now in jail for life.

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Why was the black man picking cotton from the backyard? Because he enjoys gardening as a hobby, and prefers to do it every Sunday, after work.

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Whats worse than the Holocaust. Nothing the Holocaust was the single worst thing to happen ever.

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What's purple, red, green and does jumping jacks. Nothing... that sounds pretty crazy if you ask me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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