If a vegetarian only eats vegetables, then what does a humanitarian eat?

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Q. What's long and hard and full of seamen? A. A penis. Oops, I misspelled "semen". Sorry. Also, to clarify, this doesn't describe the normal state of the average penis. Usually they are flaccid, and they can only be said to be "full of semen" at the exact moment of ejaculation.

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.

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Rishi is a funny guy, well he thinks he is. true story.

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your moms my other ride

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1.....2.....3.....boom you died

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My mate mated with my mate's mate. mated of course meaning fucked.

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My heart is in my hands. Or maybe it's yours. Either way it's mine now. You won't need it anymore.

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Question: How did the chicken get to the other side of the road? Answer: Too find his joint.

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These are some questions you should never ask on a first date: When you wipe do you throw your toilet tissue in the toilet or on a trash can? Do you smell your hands after you wipe? Do you you ever look down when you take a dump and see it come out? Have you ever picked your butt and then picked your nose with the same finger?

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Two guys walk into a bat, they have a couple drinks then go home, one crashed and died in a horrible drunk driving accident. The other, who took a cab, went home and viciously beat his wife.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What happened when the chicken crossed the road? I got feathers stuck in my cars grill

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What's red and smells like blood? Blood.

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why did the chicken cross the road? dunno. i wasnt there.

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

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What's the difference between a cat and a dog? Dogs taste better in stews.

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how do you confuse a blonde? shes already confused Leave.Her.Alone.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I live in Africa Give me water

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What is the difference between a black guy and a bucket of shit? The black guy is a sentient human being, and the bucket of shit is just a metal container filled with feces

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I see said the blind man to his deaf wife as his crippled son pushed him in his wheelchair.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops