What did the cop say to the people watching the house fire? All right nothing to see here jokes over

Why did the fall off the building? ... because I pushed her

If humans say YOLO what do cats say? meow.

What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

A blond walks into an electronics store. Then she promptly walks out, as she got the wrong store.

This is Heading 1

Doctor Doctor! I think i'm epileptic! I'm not the Doctor, I'm the receptionist. You're a hypochondriac, now wait in the Que, like everybody else Mrs. Davis.

Where do you find a good lawyer? In the cemetary

A blind man walks into a book store. He asks if they have any books in Braille. The employee says "Yes! Many you haven't even seen before!"

A dog walks into the local newspaper to place an ad. The dog writes; "woof woof, woof woof woof." Receptionist: You know you can ad another two woofs for the same price? Dog: Well that wouldn't make any sense at all?

PSP... Is a cat... you can throw against the wall.

What do Jim Carrey, Kim Jing-un and Justin Bieber have in common? A penis.

whats fat and ugly ? aidan slattery

A white man walks down an alley and sees two black men. They say hello and then are on their way.

i feel like i will die some heroic death, but its more likely i will trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

A hipster walks into a bar you've never heard of.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know either, i'm just wondering why a chicken is trying to cross the road!

A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game. She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand." "What did you not understand?" And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

Ben Wuz here was the funniest Hahahahaha

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a terrorist.

Why do cats burp quietly, because they aren't men

Ed Milliband looks like an amphibian.

What's the difference between celery and a truck?

what did the dog say to the cat? give me back my dog food.