I wont be arriving soon alright, I mean I am a overachiever for many reasons many of them not exactly "gifts" (such as the pain I cant shut up about but focus on other things such as my goal surely keeps my mind occupied enough). Thanks about the looks comment, used to think I was pretty good looking myself, so if I am more than the looks, then I really like that one (I know I am being a bit brash, but I haven't felt this... Better in a long time, and if hell if I will fake low self confidence, modesty is not my thing when I am not in the mood to be charming) By the way, Alice is quoting me, and having a laugh doing so apparently, lets just say I wont be typing myself ever again, my fingers are not... Useful, and honestly typing with one hand was always a bitch. Enough about me, ill have one of "my shadows" send you money for a first class (seriously you have spent enough on me, and now that my city is making a revenue and still advancing, its my turn to return whatever I can) Tell your parents you won the lottery and share some of the money with them I am sending you a bit extra so to speak. And ffs do not worry about my body, not even sure if I will walk again and speaking, well while it hurts (Alice is laughing again) people here concluded I would live for faaar longer than their first prognosis since I never been a fan of shutting up, and as I told them, my mouth will keep yapping about 200 years after I die, so no problemo. Ill send you a first class to... Nvm you take the money, and come around whenev... You know what? Ill send a plane, yeah, because we can afford that, not yours to keep but you know...

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what is purple and fly? - a purple flying.

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What is big, eats cats, smells good, but looks like shit? A big, cat eating, good smelling piece of shit

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11th September jokes are just plane wrong.

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Q: Buttsex? A: Butsex!

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why did the women give her sister a present because it was her birthday

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Why didn't the boy eat his food? because he wasn't hungry.

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What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

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A black man walks into a bar. "Ouch!" He says as the Klu Klux Klan beat him with sticks

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"Hheheheh Hey Butthead"- "Were Gonna Score!"

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How types of people are there? One, we are the only homo sapiens.

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Yeah, and speaking about spiderman, I got some weird senses, when I get stressed things begin seeming slower, and gets a weird blur effect, not sure what it is, but if you know what "bullet hell video games are" Technically games where you play as a tiny spaceship and lots of bullets fly around, I was always awesome at those games as a kid, because the more stress I felt while playing, the slower my perception of time felt.

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Knock, Knock ...

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so there was a frog a bear and a walrus... i forgot how the rest goes but they all die because of a nuclear holocaust

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what do they do to dead Mexicans? skin them and make them in to wet suites.

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Your mom is so hairy... it doesn't even seem like she underwent chemotherapy for her breast cancer a few months ago.

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Abbie has head so far up her arse, it just LOOKS like it's coming out her neck.

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What did George Washingtn say to is men before crossing the Delaware? Men, get in the boat.

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Why did 9/11 take place? Because God hates Satan

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What's black and red and on the ground? A dead black guy.

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you're mommas so fat that her doctor says she is morbitly obese and may die of a heart failure later in life

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Yo mama so fat when she sat around the hous she sat AROUND the house

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Knock knock Who's there? Taco Taco who? Taco bell

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What does Mr. Newell have? - Diabetes. Mr. Newell has diabetes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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