A Jewish man and a blonde were in a DIY store, the man buys a box of screws. The woman gets a phone call to find out her son is late for tennis training. She then hangs up the phone and leaves the DIY store with great hast.

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how did the family die? They were shot in the head.

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A woman is carried out of a bar.

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What is Green and smells like Yellow Paint Green Paint

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have alzheimers Who the hell are you?

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Whats worse than a bee sting? 2 bee stings Whats worse than 2 bee stings? A car crash Whats worse than a car crash? 3 bee stings

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i am writing this because i felt like it.

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What is the definition of “making love”? Something a woman does while a guy is f-ing her.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He was being taken to the slaughter house

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What do a purple grape and an elephant have in common? They are both purple, except for the elephant.

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A dyslexic walks into church and asks the priest. "Father is there a dog."

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What's flaming and has wheels? A firepit. I lied about the wheels.

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Q: why was the man punched in the face? A: I did like him.

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Q. How do you stop a clown from smiling? A. You hit it in the face with an axe.

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Q: Why is six afraid of seven? A: Why??? Q: Idk, thats why I asked

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Q: A young friend you met on the internet invites you over to his house. When you arrive, Chris Hansen enters the room. What does he say? A: Welcome to our home

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How do you save Africa. Put a rash of bacon in and envelope.

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Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

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What is long and black? The line at KFC

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Your mother is so fat, she tried to suicide because she was unhappy with her weight. She tried a diet and it didn't work; she suffers from depression and went to see a doctor about her weight. Life is getting worse for your mother and she is starting to develop diabetes. Your relatives and cousins are going to the hospital to visit her sometime this week; the doctor says she only has about a week left before she passes away.

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Why did the young boy drop his ice cream? Subscribe to find out; starting at only $14.99 a month! For more jokes similar to this one, subscribe to "Horrible Jokes" for $95 a month! Subscription Plans: - $14.99: Answer one joke per month - $49.99: The above plan... PLUS a free copy of "Antijoke, the book" - $99.99: A free cookie - $1099.99: A free cookie and a pass to the dark side - $0.25: Eternal happiness Order now for best prices! Or else we'll burn down your house and kill your extended family! Thank you!

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this joke is funny so dont read the rest even though there is no rest

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Not from my wife if that is what you think, but its best people dont know who she is, because you know... A guy that gets many ladies = A playa. A girl that lets his guy do that, well, my wife feels safe about her husband (I am dead honest), but I cant expect people to suddenly go "oh yeah, his wife is totally cool and secure about it all, rather than an insecure idiot that allows him to sleep around like the dog he is) Strictly spoken, I am no dog, women say all men are pigs, but no woman settles for a boy, so that makes me a pig.

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Who is worse than Adolf Hitler? Lebron James

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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