What happens when you walk around with a kick me sign on your back? you get punched in the face. How are you supposed to know it says kick, you cant see your own back.

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"One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to ****, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the f uck's your problem?'" -Training Day

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who should be competing in the paralympics? Brent the retard!

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What do you call a drunk, blind, deaf monkey driving a car? A bloody good driver!

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Fathers Day at Tyrone's house.

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What did the blue man say to the red lady? Do you want to make purple? -A.M.M

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Whats worse than being rapped by a giant scorpion. Being gangbanged by a couple giant scorpions

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Knock Knock! Who's there? My arm! My arm who? My arm is everywhere!

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Why was the jew so happy? He won the lottery which at the time was 3.40 dollars

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a blonde girl walks into a bar...of soarp, slips, falls, and breaks her spine.

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A man walks into a bar, and spends all his money because he is an alchoholic.

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Old McDonald had a farm. He grew corn there, and got reasonably wealthy. Then he retired to the Bahamas.

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I knocked on my neighbors door to complain about the horrible smell before remembering I killed him the week before, he has no family and no one will ever know.

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Do you like fish-sticks? Love 'em. You like putting fish-sticks in your mouth? Yeah. What are you, a gay fish?

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What's better than being raped by a donkey? Pie.

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your mom is so fat, she stepped on the scale and said, "I really need to eat better and I'm thinking about getting a gym membership." She did so, and she lost so much weight that all her friends congratulated her everywhere she went, and some didn't even recognize her.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because his older brother was forcing him to pee on an electrical socket.

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A man walks into a bar carrying a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender says, "We don't serve construction workers here."

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Roses are red Heres something new Violets are violet not fucking blue

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And so he penguin said, The is my most casual outfit!" HAAAW

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What is big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.

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What did the pc say to the Mac? You suck

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What's so sad about a bus with mentally handicapped children falling off a cliff? There was one empty seat.

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A: Knock Knock B: ...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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