What did John F. Kennedy say to Kurt Cobain? Nothing. They never met.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I like my woman like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a terrorist.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the blonde kid lose the spelling bee? Because she misspelled a word.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

(insert antijoke here

thumb_up thumb_down +17

i said wut wut in the butt!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Lol, listen, the suggestion lies in the "not not", you are using not twice in your mind, which under trance makes it so your subconcious registers that you are using a double negative while you consciously do not. Look back at the messages and register consciously that you and I have been using "not not" twice during the past messages, when the net shuts down here, you reinforce the "I will totally notnot, tell him" so the suggestion just gets stronger.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's green and invisible? This cabbage

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What worse than a baby nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the fat man fall faster than the skinny man? He didn't. Masses does not affect the speed of falling objects. Everything with mass and volume falls with an acceleration of 9.81m/s^2 on Earth. Therefore the greater mass of the heavier man did not affect his falling speed. Both men fell at the same speed.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's white and sticky? A white stick.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: why are kittens so cute? A: because god created them that way. go fourth and enjoy kittens.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How many days did abraham lincoln take a crap for? Turquoise because pancakes cannot fly without wings during the summer unless giraffes smell pineapple on tuesday.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Burger King cashier: Are you on Team Jacob or Team Edward? Man: I'm on team I'm freaking hungry; now give me my food!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

whats the main reason Mexicans have legs? so they can stand.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How do you put on a condom Very Carefully

thumb_up thumb_down -31

why did the puppy have a sticky tongue? because its owner was abusive and made the puppy lick peanut butter from his balls

thumb_up thumb_down -43

i love u. so rate me good or i will talk to my lawyer. nothing personal, i just have no arms, legs, or nose and got broken up with by a girlfriend yesterday (and no, she was not fake) Her name was maria. On the bright side, my grandma woke up this morning!

thumb_up thumb_down -117

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first koala. Why did the man fall of his bike? He was struck with a falling koala. Why did the fish fall of its bike? Because it's a fish. What is fuzzy and might kill you if it falls on you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

What do you call a retarded man? Mentally challenged.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

why did aodhan not play BO2? Aodhan has Cerebral palsy.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Knock, knock. Who's there? John. Oh, hey! Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops