How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.

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Q. Why did the woman fall out of the tree? A. Cause she got laid

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Q: How do you kill an Asian? A: Deprive of calculator or shoot it.

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Human: "Panda get off that slide! Your a panda, you don't understand gravity!" Panda: g=9.81 m/s squared. Human: Oh, I see, carry on.

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What does Patrick say? IM PATRICK!!! IM PATRICK PATRICK PATRICK PATRICK PATRICK PATRICK!!!!! PATRICK!!!!!

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A Haitian walks into a bar. It collapses.

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What did the mexican say to the black guy? He asked if he needed some drugs. Why? He was a pharmacist.

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What did the polar bear say when he walked into a sauna? Absolutely nothing because he was a polar bear. I mean seriously, did I even have to ask? Everyone should know that a polar bear is an animal and he wouldn't say anything. If he did it would most likely be a growl or a roar. If you believed that he would have said something you obviously didn't pass the first grade. I finish with the fact that a polar bear would not survive in a sauna because they are accustomed to cold clima I guess this was just a waste of time.

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Knock knock! Who's there? The police, your entire family has died in a terrible car accident.

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Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

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I may have alzheimers...Thank god I dont have alzheimers

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If you like this song so much why don't you marry it? Because a divorce would be tough on the kids

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervour father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happyness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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Whats bloody and wrinkly? Your nans fanny

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Knock Knock Whos there? It's me Ben. You just told me to come over. We are going jogging aren' we? Oh ya, sorry. I forgot the time. Is it cold out? Ya, it is pretty cold. You should bring a jacket. Ok, let me go get my jacket. Alright, can u grab me a water please? Ya sure. Thankyou.

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How do you give a women more freedom? Shoot her in the face with a shotgun.

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What worse than the holocaust? Dries Roelvink!

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How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. They use candles

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Jerry: Hey, do you smell that? It kinda smells like updog. Moe: What's updog?

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Roses are red Here's something new Violets are violet NOT F**KING BLUE

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When will racism end? When everyone's dead.

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Hey could I ask you a question? Yes Thanks

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My grandmother always said "slow and steady wins the race."...... She died in a fire

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Why did Li Chong get an A on his math test? He studied.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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