Does this napkin smell like chlorofoam?

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I'm a necrophiliac. Keep watch over your dead friends... ;)

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You know whats worse than finding 3 dead children in your house? Finding 2 dead children in your house.

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When life gives you lemons, throw them at pedestrians.

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brandon ya twwat

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Who is blue and smells like green paint? Matt Daly

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

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I ponder

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A mormon walks into a bar. He orders a caffeine free Coke.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a man? One's tall the other's not

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Okay, I just really want you to trust me again,

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What's black and white and black and white and black and white? A chessboard.

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why do girraffe's have long necks? because my foot is so far up all their asses that it hits their head, pushing it away from the body.

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what do you call a mentally and physically obese man? nothing until you know or obtain his name

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Why does the man with no legs call for help? because he woke up to find that he had no legs.

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Obama: And then I said there would be a change. (hahahahahaha)

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Q: Why can't dinosaurs talk? A: Because they are all dead.

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Roses are Violets, Violets are Roses, I am a dumb ass, The Hobbit.

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Roses are red, But ravens are black, please go to China, and never come back!

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What do you call a guy who answers your door Whatever his name his

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A mans opinion.

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Did you know that if you stacked enough elephants to reach from the earth to the moon, all those elephants would die?

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Three Jews are hiding under the floorboards. One of them makes and noise and they are promptly found by the invading German soldiers. They are all shipped to Aushwitz where two of them are sent directly to the gas chambers where they are killed. The third Jew survives the Holocaust and is eventually liberated by Allied forces. He returns to his country only to find his house burnt to the ground. With no money or food, he starves to death by the side of the road and his body is eaten by various animals.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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