What did the homeless child get for Christmas? Leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Why did the boy eat his bagel? He was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Yo mama so stupid she tried to drown a dog and was quite successful at it. Know she serves a death sentence.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Q:What's red and fluffy? A: A blue rock, if blue were red and rocks were fluffy

thumb_up thumb_down +62

- I shot the sheriff! - You murderer

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Roses are red violets are blue I hate rhyming pancakes

thumb_up thumb_down +44

got a new boxing bag the other day its hanging from the top of my stairs its called dead seb

thumb_up thumb_down +36

national song of the mute person? 5 minutes of silence please

thumb_up thumb_down +32

BALL SO HARD... That I got kicked off the team for intentionally fouling other players whenever I got on the court, I'm sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? He received many presents because his parents loved him very much.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A man walks into a bar. He leaves when he realizes he is supposed to be at a business meeting

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A cruise ship took sail. It was about a mile out into the water already. The blonde had missed the ship when it set sail. She was only capable of swimming a mile. She swam a half a mile out after the ship, and then turned around. She then later died due to a severe case of hypothermia due to the temperatures of the water for long periods of time.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

why did the black guy win a gold medal in the olympics? hard work, dedication and determanation! what no one else can be bothered to do anymore because of all this new technology and stuff!! get of your arse and do something active. NOW!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the polar bear say to the penguin? Nothing because polar bears lived in the northern hemisphere and penguins lived in the southern. But if one is smuggled from north to south or vice-versa. The polar would growl and consume the penguin.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't a drunk driver went off the street and hit the chicken and killed it on impact.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the Muffin say to the other muffin ? I dont know

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the President Truman approve the use a nuke over Hiroshima? Sending Chuck Norris was widely considered to be too cruel.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

ive got a joke for you Nicki minajs ase

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Roses are red. Violets are blue. This next line doesn't rhyme. Nor does this one. This isn't a very good poem.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."

thumb_up thumb_down -114

What would be the consequence of a terrorist detonating a 500 kT nuclear bomb in Manhattan? A ridiculous question. All enriched uranium in Pakistan is safe and out of reach of terrorists, their govt. has assured. Please ask about realistic scenarios next time.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock knock Who's There? Idk, who the **** names their kid There?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are on a plane. The plan is carrying too much weight, and is destined to crash. They drop the luggage, but there is still too much weight on board. They drop the secondary engine, but there is still too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops