only in america: does pizza arrive at your house faster than an ambulence do banks leave their doors open and chain their pens to the desks people put their usless junk in the garage and thier expensive cars in the driveway

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -81

What do you get when you cross a Shake Weight with Parkinson's Disease? You get a sentence that doesn't explain the end of the joke and leaves you without any closure.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

There was was 14 apples in a tree. And that's it.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Why does god never feel anger? Because you need to exist to have feelings.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why was 6 afraid of 7? *cause 7 8 9? NO cause 7 was a n**ga!

thumb_up thumb_down -140

Yo momma's so nice that she baked cookies for us. Please tell her I said thanks.

thumb_up thumb_down +151

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did Lebron James say to Brad Pitt? "What's up, Brad?"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man calls customer service. A man in India helps him with his problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

mitchell likes balls in his mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on a deserted island when a genie appears and offers each of them one wish. Before making any decisions on what to wish for, the discuss what the smartest choice is. They return to the genie. The brunette wishes to return home, as does the blonde. The redhead wishes to be able to walk again. The genie denies the wish because to walk again she would have to wish for two legs. The genie leaves and the redhead eventually dies of dehydration as she cannot move and the water that she reaches from the ocean contains salt which dehydrates her faster than the water hydrates her.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink The bartenders says no, because she is a woman, and he is a sexist Women are still not equally treated in this world

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What did the banana say to the peach? Dude, we can talk?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Q: What does a blond do with a box of crayons? A: Paints a picture

thumb_up thumb_down -117

'Knock' 'Knock' Who's there? Open the door and you will find out douche.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just the 1, Blondes aren't any dumber than anyone else. It's a myth.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats better than finding a hot girl in your room? nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +56

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Trick question! Feminists can't change anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

An owl and a squirrel were sitting in a tree, watching a farmer. The squirrel turns to the bird and says nothing because squirrels can't talk, and the owl eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man walks into a restaurant and ordered a soup. Then, he called the waiter and said the soup tasted funny. The waiter said, "so laugh". the man then killed the guy and sips the soup while laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Q: what did the deaf boy get for christmas? A: an ipod shuffle

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Q: What's black and can crash into you A: a black guy in a car

thumb_up thumb_down +109

A man walks into an anti Joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops