Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why is the world flat? I don't know ask the Native American who was curious enough to take his canoe, go out into the middle of the water and never come back.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why doesnt mexico have an olympic team? Because all the mesicans that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

I went seal clubbing the other day but as I was the only one with legs, the dancefloor was quite lonely

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Q: How many leprechauns does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Leprechauns aren't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

How do you make an idiot laugh? Tell him a mildly funny joke relating to bodily functions, such as defecating or passing gas.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Your mom was so stupid that she went back to school and now she is graduated with a degree.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

What do you call a man wearing a hockey mask and holding a chainsaw? A Lumberjack, I lied about the hockey mask

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I can't rhyme Refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the chilean guy told to the other chilean guy? Hola!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did the priest say to the young African American male? Good to see you again Robert. That community service we did at Morris Park last Friday should give a real boost to the infrastructure of the already stellar community we live in.

thumb_up thumb_down +307

why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey wahy did the third monkey fall out of the tree? it thought it was a game why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? because it had no arms why did the little girl fall off her bike? she got hit by three monkeys and a refridgerator

thumb_up thumb_down +131

If you don't live in the country, where do you live? The ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels for the loss of their newborn child.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Q: What has one eye but cannot see? A: A blind cyclops

thumb_up thumb_down +70

How did the baby cross the road? The baby got stapled to a chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do eagles and ground hogs have in common? They both live underground, except for the eagle.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: A serial killer B: I don't feel comfortable opening the door

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did one Pokemon say to the other pokemon? We are fake.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q:What do they call her? A: They call her love,

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Whats worse that stubbing your toe? Death.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

How do u tourcheer a fat kid? Make him chase a dounout

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A traveling salesman breaks down on a rainy night, but spies a farm house. he knocks on the door and the farmer answers. the salesman asks if he can spend the night. the farmer says "sure, but i gotta warn you, i don't have any daughters."

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops