Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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Why don't women wear watches? In the technologically advanced age that we live in, the watch is rapidly being replaced with other electronic devices that tell time, such as cell phones or iPods.

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This is not Will Smith.

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"Your moms so fat I jiggled my pickle and she jumped with tortoise." Is what I would say if I was retarded. Downvote this shiz!

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You know what's worse than finding a worm inside an apple? finding crack, too late to spit it out.

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I jizzed in my pants. It tasted good

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Roses are red Violets are blue I suck at poems nice tits.

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How do you make a kids fall off a swing? Throw an axe at them

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What's the difference between a black man with a pie and an asian with an apple. They're of different ethnicitiesand cultures, and are holding different foods.

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2 gingers went to a pumpkin patch... And nobody ever found them( life lesson, don't take your ginger to a pumpkin patch)

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Three men are walking down the street to buy groceries. They then take a left and continue walking towards the store.

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What do elephants have that no other animal has? Baby elephants.

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A dying homeless man walks into a Hospital. He is asked to leave because he doesn't have health insurance. He dies in a gutter next to where he shits.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and and no legs in front of a door? A: A quadruple amputee.

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how does peploe get around they walk

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Your momma is so fat that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook her breasts for clocks

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Women's Golf

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What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals? A purple hippo with an infected scab yelling at the pain

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how do you make a blonde laugh on friday tell her shes a blonde on monday

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why did the chicken cross the road? why do you care?

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What did the kettle say to the pot? Nothing, inanimate objects can't talk.

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Why is the dinosaur yellow? He's not.

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What's worse than Bin Weevils? Nick Clegg.

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What does a ghost get when he watches pornography? A boner

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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