What's green and can read your mind? Nothing. Some people thinks the answer is a plant but don't listen to them because they are wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the rapist say to the child? Contrary to popular belief, I am just a kind old man that likes to hand out sweets to disadvantaged young children. I only got dubbed a rapist when a child crawled into the back of my van as I drove off; the fact that his abusive father was the one who raped him is not my fault.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Mickey Mouse peed on a house what color was it? It wasn't a color, or any pee for that matter. Mickey Mouse is a fictional character for children's amusement.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, I died.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did grandma drop the dish? She had a heart attack and died, falling to the ground and thus bringing the plate with her to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do you get when you give a man viagra? A man with an erect penis. Viagra is known to increase blood flow and vascularization in the penis, allowing for erections for people with erectile dysfunction.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Do you know what the forest fire got for Christmas? Your house

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the blonde order in the restaurant? A cup of coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a black man? Rob

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the mexican cross the street? Because the next lawn to mow was in a different neighborhood

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is green and drives around in the desert and is not a tank? secretly a tank

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Four blondes began their road trip from NYC to Europe and promptly drowned.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why does the black man take drugs. Because he is very sick.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A horse and a penguin and a kangaroo come into a bar and order drinks from the bartender, who later gets fired for taking acid while working.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do you give a little girl with no arms no legs and who lives in a orfanidge for christmas?.................................... nothing because no parent wants a freak kid

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Duncan walks into a bar and is greeted by his friends Eric and Tom. Duncan tells them that his wife left and took the kids. Duncan then goes home and hangs himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the boy afraid? Because he had just seen his dog get ran over by a tractor

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cro- Oh. He got run over.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call black people in a pool? Healthy

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. The chicken was booted into the air by a screaming Russian osselot.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the bird fall out of the sky? It had no wings.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

When life gives you melons you may be dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the child say he had been a ubused. Answer: because he had been.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops