- Anti Joke

What is the one thing you can never steal back? Your viginity.

How many babies does it take to paint a fence? depends on how hard you throw them.

Yo momma is so ugly that she should probably consider suicide

why did the blue berry cross the road

What's blue and looks like water? Yes.

How do you get a baby to be quiet? Put it in the oven for a few minutes

3

Roses are Red Violets are Blue Even though I can't tell Because I am color blind

A boy asks his teacher for a eraser....he was given a blue pen. Turns out he was in space.

Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. An impossible thing because he can't walk.

What do you call an armless, legless man hanging on a wall? Art.

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a loaf of bread.

when u cant say fuck say firetruck because it starts with f and it ends with uck ?firetruck?

Knock knock, Who's there? The constable. Your husband was killed in a car crash.

A man walked into a bar. He got drunk and left.

Matthew Wyckoff

What did the Firefighter say to his crew when they put out the fire.... - Let's go home.

What's worse than smelly feet? Smelly hands.

Q: What do you call a vacuum that doesn't suck stuff up? A: A broken vacuum.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I'm not quite sure, but I just realized that my new pair of boxer briefs has ripped along the seam. Oh, and earlier this morning, I stubbed my toe pretty bad. The nail is all purple and the toe is all swollen, it was bleeding profusely until I put three bandages over the wound. It's still throbbing with pain. Oh, and also, a few months ago, I lost my job. It wasn't because I was constantly late or anything, it was more because as a server, I had been required to lift trays and stand and walk for the entirety of my shift. The only problem is, that about a year ago, I was involved in a serious car accident (once again, an occurrence that had not been due to my own actions). This car accident severed my spine in the L5 region. I can now barely walk for long periods of time, I find it impossible to run, I can no longer play sports and enjoy being a 21 year old male. I am in constant pain and it affects my breathing, my legs, the rest of my back, and also my teeth (due to the neurological connections dealing with the spinal cord). I am now currently looking for a new job, a more suitable job, to help sustain my hectic lifestyle. No, it is not a lifestyle of parties and what not, it is merely the lifestyle of living under roof and owning a used car. I have an alcoholic mother and my childhood was devoid a father. I raised myself, and to this day, I still have no family to help me through my financial struggles. I need nearly 2000 dollars in less than a week in order to pay all my bills, have my car fixed, and eat for another month. The only problem is, I have a dollar and 58 cents to my name. I wish I was this chicken, crossing roads, and what not, not just to get to the other side, but to live a better life. But, one can only wish.

A women was driving along in her brand new, swanky, red ferrari when she spotted a red light in the distance. She stopped steadily, following the rules of the road. All of a sudden a loud bang came from behind her where a young driver had hit her at 50 mph. They both come to an abrupt stop and exited their vehicles. The women says "Idiot, you just hit me!" The boys says "oh don't worry, I have insurance."

Why did the black man cross the road? To rape the girl on the other side.

Remember Y2K? That could have been bad.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is both blind and deaf, and doing so would put others in danger.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops