Someone dies every second. That's 60 a minute. 3600 a hour. 86,400 a day. 604,800 a week. 31,536,000 a year. But thankfully- I don't live in Zimbabwe.

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If your Jewish, then don't go to Germany.

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knock, knock Who's there? Statefarm... and we are always gonna be there for you

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Ask me if I'm a truck. Are you a truck? No.

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They sent her to her room without dinner.

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name one pop artist who's better than Michael Jackson that's really hard. there's so many

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Why was the minority crying? He had something in his eye.

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What's worse than a fly in your soup? Cancer.

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You in love with me? Like platonic? Fine, we will move operations elsewhere, you really got to tell me who you are working for someday.

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What do you call a fish with no "i's"? A blind fish.

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ROMEO ROMEO WHEREFORE ART THOU ROMEO

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A woman who owns a parrot leaves her home, forgetting that a plumber is scheduled to come fix her sink. A few minutes after she leaves, the plumber arrives and knocks on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waits for a minute and, seeing that nobody has come to the door, knocks again. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, a little more loudly, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink!" The plumber waits for a minute and bangs hard on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screams, "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIINK!!!" Just then, the plumber clutches his chest and falls dead to the ground. When the woman returns home, she sees the dead man in front of her door. She opens her door to go to her phone and asks the parrot, "who is it?" The parrot replies, "WHO IS IT?"

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A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

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A man walks into a bar. Of chocolate. Yummy!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he saw some pandas spooning.

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What happens if you go one louder? Nothing because you can't

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Roses are red Violets are blue We cant have sex I have ED

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Q: What present did the Taliban's wife get on the islamic holiday A: a beating

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Why did the black man go to portugal? Because he was very hard working and needed a vacation.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My farts stink, And so do you.

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An alligator crawled into a bar Animal control is promptly called and he is released in a nearby lake

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Why doesn't a duck's quack echo? Evolution.

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What does the kid with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A: arms and legs

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Why was the asian boy abused? He got an B in math

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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