when life gives you lemons, force a hobo to eat them because lemonade is going to suck if life doesnt give you any sugar.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

knock knock who's there? the police, we have a warrant for your arrest.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron? I've never forcibly expelled three tire irons from my vagina.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Help! I've fallen and I can't get up.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Roses are blue Violets are too I've got Alzheimer Roses are red

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q: what do you call a boy with no arms and an eye patch? A: names

thumb_up thumb_down +30

why can't Michael Jackson bake a pie???? Because he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q-What did the blonde say when I stomped on her toe? A: asdfsdflsdrfjkofweønaweøiofioawef, .Would you be ever so kind to move your foot as it is currently in a position of where it causes my nerves to send pain impulses to my brain. Thanks

thumb_up thumb_down +28

See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor ? A: The holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the douche bag get for Christmas? Your girlfriend.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the man answer his cell phone at 3 AM in the morning? Because his phone was ringing and was probably waiting for an important phone call

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why couldn't the Asian man drive very well? He was blind from birth.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Whats worse that having cold soup? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do you call a house big enough to fit all the poor people in America? A fairly large establishment without quality standards.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's the quickest way to a man's heart? A knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: No one knows because a chicken is incapable of communicating it's reason to humans.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A blonde dies Lololol

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A black man accidentally walks into a white man......they apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Q: What said the first bagel to the other? A: Nothing! Bagels can't talk!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's black and white and red all over? I don't care I have AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the jew save his money? Because his wife has cancer and the radiation treatments are very expensive.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why wouldn't anyone want Helen Kellers dog? It's been buried for a long time...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops