How do you get a clown off of your property? You ask him politely to get off and if he doesn't, you should contact the authorities immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the banana say to the apple? Nothing, although on a deoxyribonucleic acid level, bananas are technically sharing 50% of their genes with us, humans, but yet still have the incapability to produce its own voice. In addition, apple can't talk either due to their lack of nerves, veins, arteries, and diaphragm, therefore bananas not apple cannot produce sound.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

There once was a man from Nantucket. He was a well respected member of the community.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

whats black, white, and bloody all over? i don't know, but we should stop making jokes and help it already.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A black guy, a mexican, and an arab are all in the same car, Whos driving the car? The black guy because he politely offered and his friends were happy to ride with him.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

There are only three kind of people: people who can count and people that can't count

thumb_up thumb_down +20

a black guy a mexican guy and a puerto rican guy are driving together in a car whos driving? Whoevers car it is.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why'd Carly fall off the swing? She got hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's the difference between a picnic table and a Mexican? A picnic table can support a family of four.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A man walked into a bar. He got a concussion and couldn't see strait for days.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

knock knock WHO'S THERE?! ARE YOU A SEX CRIMINAL?! NO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT TO YOU MUM!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How do you stop a plane? Land it.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Assuming the fact that these children are in fact deceased, it would be highly inprobable that they could perform any task. Or that they would need to see any light at all, since the point of that dark room is to keep them concealed.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A dwarf walked into a pizza shop and ordered a large pepperoni pizza advertised as $12.50. He gave some money to the man behind the counter who then said, "Sir, you're a little short." The dwarf replied, "My apologies, I thought I had given you a twenty." He gave the man behind the counter the difference he owed, took his pizza and left.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red Violets are blue Why do the following sentences never have anything to do with the roses and violets?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q - What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench? A - The nba - Cool Bean

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was strapped to the first monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did Timmy masticate in front of everyone at the dinner table? If he hadn't, he would have choked on large chunks of food.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +20

how many scrubbers does it take to change a light bulb ? 2 , 1 to change it , and 1 to make it smell piss

thumb_up thumb_down +20

did you know r kelly and jay z had a album together?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops