So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down, and orders a drink. After giving the pirate a drink, the bartender looks down and notices that there is a steering wheel on the pirate's penis. "Sir, are you aware that there is a steering wheel on your penis?" The bartender asked. "Arrrrrrr, it's driving me crazy!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon," said the bartender, "It looks very uncomfortable and could be dangerous to your health...not to mention your penis is out in the open." "Yes, you are probably right," the pirate agreed. He proceeded to get a ride from a friend to the nearest hospital, for drinking and driving can be dangerous, and steering wheels on penises are not safe.

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What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Reeves Christopher

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So three ants are in a straight line. The first ant said there's an ant behind me, the second ant said there's an ant behind me, and the third ant said there's an ant behind me. Why is this? The third ant lied.

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What happened to the toddler on the swing? She was left unatended and was raped.

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the NAACP

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There was once a boy who ate fire. He died of severe burns.

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What is old and fancy and comes in two pieces? Marie Antoinette.

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What's the difference between 31 dead hookers and a Lamborghini? One is a traumatizing tragedy that left at least 31 poor families mourning for their loved ones, whom were only trying to make a living in what is a terrible economy and were unable find a better job, and the other is an overpriced sports car.

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How many fish does it take to brush their teeth? Jp's worth of fish isn't enough.

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A barman walks into a bar. He works there.

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Q:Do you know why Jesus would not be a good goalkeeper? A:Because he never played football

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What did the bride do on her wedding day? Get married.

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What body part did German prince Heinrich von Missingpenis lack? His toenail.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it died. Q: Why did the dog fall out of the tree? A: Because it was tied to the monkey.

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What's worse than dropping a dollar down the drain? Getting a needle shoved up your penis and it scrapes the insides of your balls open so that all of the sperm pours out of your balls and you are screaming in agony and you can never have children in the future.

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Why did the man cut his hair? Cause he has cancer

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How did Hitler fit 100 jews in his car? He didn't, he was too busy killing them in concentration camps.

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Why did the cop pull the black guy over because he was speeding

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What did the fat kid get for chirstmas? diabetes

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Q: What did the doctor say to the man with terminal cancer? A: You have terminal cancer.

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The snake rides the bicycle in the forest, the rabbit sees this, and says "hey snake, you don't have legs" "oh damn" replies the snake and eats the rabbit because of the insolence

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How do you kill a beetle? Wait outside his apartment and shoot him

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How do you turn a piece of meat into a vegetable Break her neck

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How many dead babies does it take to fill a bathtub? 17.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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