Whats worse than Sandy Hook Massacre? 9/11

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what did the paraplegic man get for Christmas? a unicycle

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Q: When there's something strange In your neighbourhood, Who you gonna call? A: The Local Authorities!

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What's green, grows in my basement, and if fun to smoke? Mold. I lied about it being fun to smoke.

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Why did the submarine crash? Someone opened the window

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Q: what do you get when you mix a bull dog and a shiitzu? A: a dog

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Wanna hear a joke? that disabled guy who wants to climb mount everest.

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Q; How did the blind man cross the road? A; very unsuccessfully leaving behind memories of his joys but soon forgotten smile

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What do you call a boy with one eye and no arms. -Mean names.

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Q: What happened when lost John lost his crack cocaine? A: He bought some weed.

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What's green and has wheels? The Holocaust. I lied about everything.

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How do you kill a fat guy Keep giving him food he'll die eventually.

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what did one sandwich say to another sandwich? nothing, sandwiches cant talk

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so a girl asks a guy: "if a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" the guy responds: "trees dont grow in the kitchen, so you shouldnt be worried about it."

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3 brothers Mohammed, Ahmed and Saahad were on the 09:25 flight from Tehran to New York. They each only carried a rucksack each and a one way ticket. They are Syrian refugees and their parents are dead.

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Yeah I was beginning to enjoy that as well, but I used "timed hypnosis" I have not seen it been coined elsewhere yet, not that I learn hypnosis anymore, I kinda teach it covertly to whoever I believe can use it responsively. "Timed hypnosis" is not really based upon a set amount of time after all time is relative, and our subconcious does know that and the subconcius understands that we did not invent time just because we made some fucking dials spin around" Now, timed hypnosis is based on a purpose, for example: "I will go into a trance until I am done teaching my new buddy how covert hypnosis works and teach her to use it subconciously" But now I made you aware of that, so you can use it consciously as well, the real magic here is that the subconcious is so much more efficient and powerful than the conscious mind that it would not even be neccesary to have a concious mind, except for one thing.

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A man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "What'll you have?" The man replies "Surprise me." The bartender proceeds to mix cyanide with the mans drink and loses his bartending license and goes to prison for murdering a customer.

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A redundant man walked into a bar. He sat down, and unfortunately, we learn 5 minutes later that his wife died.

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2 muffins are in an oven. One says to the other, "it's really hot in here!" the other replies, "WHOA. A talking muffin!"

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How do you kill a red elephant? You can't red elephants don't exist.

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question: do zombies eat brains answer: actually zombies don't exist, so they don't eat anything

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Woman are equal and deserve respect just kidding they should suck my ****

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Today, my friend threw a lemon at me very hard and hit me in the testicles. FML

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Why do people like vacations? To get out of your family

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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