Thats a real shame. How come your eyes are red to begin with? You can use hypnosis to change the color, but if you never learned how, I am not gonna teach you.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a monk are standing near a cliff. They say that they are of the best religion. The priest jumps off the cliff and says "God save me", he dies. The rabbi says "Allah save me", he dies. The monk says "Buddha save me" he is saved, in relief he says "Oh thank God" he dies

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Always do, always will, I have overcome far worse, doctor told my mother when I was born (without a heartbeat) that I was dead, and if they somehow managed to get me breathing again (heart beating etc) I would have suffered so much brain damage that I would not have a concious mind, in other words I would never have been able to learn anything, not to speak nor to type... ...Gotta say I pretty much fucking disagree with the "good" old doctor, and for the record, my heart is as healthy as... Healthy can be I am ambidextrous, but because of this eyedrum mutant thing of mine, I cant tell left from right, because well, to my radar senses both are left and right. Sorry if I am not making much sense here, just bleed a bit out of my nose, had it been from my ears, things could have gotten ugly, but no, its all good.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long mane?"

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okay so one time my dog was eating an octopus tail and i was all like...Bro! octopus are our friends dont eat them! then he was all like okay...so later i saw my goldfish eating a blue kangaroo and i was all like bro blue kangaroos are our friends dont eat them and she was all like okay.. so then i saw my sandwich eating itself and i was like bro...let me eat you instead! and it was like okay. then i saw a bear eating you so i was like bro....thats all i said before it ate both of us :( and thats the story of why i have 6 toes on my left buttcheek

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Jacob Edwards has friends.

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how did santa ruin christmas? he didnt put presents under familys tree's

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What is the answer to this joke? Cuz fuck you that's why.

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Q:What did the wall say to the other wall? A: .

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Mom: Ask me if you're adopted Boy: Am I adopted? Mom: yes

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whats your name whats the color of the sky whats the oppisite of down

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What did the KKK member say to the african american man. Nothing, he just killed him.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I don't like poems What rhymes with poem?

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Did you hear about the Asian boy that entered the piano competition? He died yesterday.

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why was the old man cold? ...WHY?

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why dont you throw rocks at a mexican on a bike? its unethical and can severely hurt the individual on the bike

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBO... nope bin laden

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A white, black, jewish, and hispanic person apply for a job as an accountant who gets the job? One of them.

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What did the monkey say after its tail was run over by a lawnmower? It won't be long now.

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Q: What is the scariest thing ever? A: Child Birth.

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"knock knock?" ITS 2012 WE HAVE DOOR BELLS!!!

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You were supposed to die 12 seconds ago....

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What do an elephant and a grape have in common? They're both purple... except for the elephant.

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Knock Knock Who's there? no one, you've got Psycosis

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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