Now that I'm of age to go clubbing, I feel sorry for the seals.

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Today, my doctor discovered I had a tumor in my brain the size of a walnut. FML.

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A homeless man begged and begged for a dollar to buy something. A man finally gave him his dollar. What did the hobo buy? Nothing he walked into 711 and then got shot.

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knock knock whos there? yo mama yo mama who? yo mamas mama!!

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A blonde girl walks into a car.

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wht does a blonde do with a box of crayons? eat a taco.

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So after 2 years of dating, the man thought the woman actually loved him. So to find out they took a ski trip and during their day they were on the chairlift and the man asked the woman "Do you love me?" The woman replied "No...I'm just in it for the sex, but that's a nice ski mask you have on"

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What did Jean Luc Picard say to Data when he saw a broken Janome Overlocker? Make it Sew

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In my opinion I am superior to you all in every single way,an opinion you might disagree with, but can respect. While on the other hand, I have no reason to respect and even less agree with your inferior opinions at all.

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An Octopus walked into a bar. He then died as he had been out of his natural habitat for an exceedingly long period of time. An octopus can only survive on land for 30 minutes.

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Why did the baby cross the road? A very uncaring parent left their infant outside. The unsupervised baby then crawled under the fence and began to head towards the road. When the baby began to cross the road, there were two cars coming from both directions. Luckily, they saw the baby and came to an abrupt stop. Unfortunately, when the baby made it to the other side, an eagle swooped down and snatched the baby, because it is a bird of prey. Fortunately, the child's life was spared by the eagle. The Department of Child Services showed up later only to confiscate the baby from the parents. The eagle wanted to adopt it, but it could not speak nor could it sign the legal documents because it was an eagle.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Marla should be home by now, it's nearly 6." He was unaware he had lost his tractor until the next morning.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue No they're not They're purple

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Knock, knock Who's there? Man Man who? The man who is knocking. Now open the door Carl!

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What do you call a person with no arms? Armless.

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Why did the man reach for his gun? Because he wanted to kill someone.

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What's worse than bombs? Nukes

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Did you hear about the man who discovered the secret to making women happy? Neither have I.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Why did the drunk walk into the bar? Because he has a serious drinking problem.

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What is the difference between baseball and the holocaust? One is a fun sporting event…. The other is baseball.

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What happened when an FBI agent and a cop argued over control of a hostage situation? Several people including a respected community leader were killed.

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How many kids does it take to get a day off of school? ...26

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Yo momma's so bulimic, and there's nothing funny about it at all.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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