A postal worker creeps past a sleeping bulldog. The dog does not wake up, and the mail is delivered successfully.

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The other day a man came to my door. After I opened it, he told me, "I'm sorry, your mother is dead." He paused, then said, "Just kidding." "Actually," I told him, "my mom died two years ago of natural causes." He turned around and left, and I closed the door. All in all, it was a very confusing situation, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

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ronald wants to join a gym, they tell him to lose 20 pounds before coming back or else.....

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was something of interest on the other side.

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your mammas so fat tha-- my mother is dead. oh... sorry.

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Q. What did the buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor? A. "I'd like a hotdog, please."

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how long did it take the blonde to solve the rubiks cube when she knew the algorithm? Approximately 6.73 minutes.

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A man walks into his house only to find someone in the livingroom touching the stereo. He then goes up to his wife, and kisses her.

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Why did the weiner dog have a bad childhood? Uncle Monty put his foot up its arse on a daily basis before chewing dorris's nose, ears and eyelids.

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How many Caucasian American males does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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Q: what did one kangaroo say too the other kangaroo? A: I was told I am schizophrenic.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was DEAD! But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey... But then why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? P-p-p-p-eer pressure

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I'm attracted to you like the earth is attracted to the sun. With a force that is inversely proportional to the distance squared.

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What do women and airplanes have in common? They both have cockpits!

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Why did the hunter shoot the deer? Because he was hungry and might starve to death if he didnt

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What did Iran say to Israel? ALLLLAHH

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Why did the bud driver drop his ice cream? Because he hit a boy.

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Wright flyer

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There once was a man named Steve. One day, Steve stumbled stupidly, shredding his shirt, shoes and shorts and subsequently shocking Susie; a small shy salsa student. When he arrived home, Steve's wife asked "how was your day dear?" Steve panicked at the thought of having to explain this traumatic event, but thankfully he had undergone speech therapy for his lisp.

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Why did Sally fall off the swingset? she had no arms... Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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My brownie is so warm and squishy. You know what else is warm and squishy? Freshly killed babyies

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School

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Want to hear a joke? ... Oh dear, I can't think of any. Golly, this is embarrassing.

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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