Why did Timmy fall off his bike? Someone threw a brick at him!

Why was the 3 year old high He was flying

whats the differnce between a cadilack and a pile of dead babies? theres no cadilack in the back of my car1 >.>

What will happen if your heart skips 10 beats? Nothing. You're dead.

Q. what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? A. nothing you done told her twice already

Your Face... It's Beautiful.

How do you make an electrician fall over? You hit him hard with a lamp

What do you call a black man about to jump off a cliff? Suicidal

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

A man walks into a bar, sits down and the bartender comes over and asks him what he wants to drink. The man replies, "Carrot Juice."

Why is Evan short? He was born that way.

Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? He was tired of working for the man.

What did the blind man say to the fish store owner? I would, 1 fish please.

So theres this Jew, right? He got shot to death.

Why did the chicken cross the road? A man held him at gunpoint and threatened to kill his entire family.

What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls? You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Roses are red Violets are blue Actually, no they're not. They're VIOLET. That's why they're called that. If they were blue, they would be called "Blues", or something of a similar nature. Don't be dumb.

One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

Wanna hear a dead baby joke? Of course you don't. they're sick and disgusting and enjoyment of one merits only the deepest of society's hatred and scorn.

How could you wake up Lady Gaga? poke her face

Mario goes home after a hard day of work and finds his entire family killed and a note from Bowser... He is now an asshole who beats and rapes kids...

What's red and the size of a packet of crisps? A Miscarriage

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Why are they called waiters? Because you got to wait for them for a fucking long time. Why do they call you a patient. Just so you wont get impatient, if you do you are no longer a patient and they will ignore you.