you and your family will die tonight

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Why did Bob fall off the swim? He had no arms or legs.

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Once upon a time, there was a boy. He was 12 years old. He is dad was rich from his business and so when it came time for his 12 year old boy to turn 13 he insisted on buying the boy whatever he wanted. He thought that the imagination of a 12 year old boy might in fact humour him, even if the cost of such a present reached the millions. He asked his son "Son, a very special day's coming up", his son smirked "I know Dad". "Well, what would you like?" asked the Dad. His son pondered for several seconds before replying, "honestly Dad, all I want it 12 Pink Ping Pong balls". The Dad, curious and a little disappointed asked "of course son, but why?". His son replied "I can;t say, I'd just like them for my birthday please". And so on his thirteenth birthday, he indeed received 12 Pink Ping Pong balls. His Dad thought nothing of it until next year, when he asked his son "what would you like for your birthday this year son? A new 82-inch Tv for you toilet, or how about a new jet?". His soon blew the hair out of his eyes and said, "Dad, all I want is room full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad again agreed but asked "why Pink Ping Pong balls son?". His son replied "I'll tell you when I get them". True to his word when the boy turned 14, he received a whole room full of Pink Ping Pong balls and his Dad asked him "now why did you want them son". But his son replied "I'll tell you next year". Rather reluctantly his Dad agreed. The day came again next year and his Dad said "15 years old son! Your growing up rather fast aren't you? Soon you'll be seeing girls, going to parties, turning the Prime Minister's invitation to dinner and instead sneaking out of the house and going to a strip club where all the girls are in a glass cube and you just through food at them and watch them eat it....", his son stared at him. "But what do you want son?". His son ran a hand through his short hair, "Dad, can I have a semi-trailer full of Pink Ping Pong balls?" His dad, now rather worried about his obsession asked "Of course but why?" And his son once again replied "I'll tell you when I get them". His dad obliged and bought his son a semi trailer full of Pink Ping Pong balls and then asked "Now so, you promised to tell me, why?". His son opened the door to the truck trailer and inspected his produce "...next year dad, next year". His dad paused, shrugged, then walked away. As his son neared his 16th birthday his father again asked him, "son, what'll it be this time?". His son replied "uuuummm, a car?", His dad was about to agree when his son said, "actually no. I would like a 747 Boeing Jet full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad stared at him. This was getting weirder and weirder and more costly. His father then remembered the last time he looked at his bank account he had stopped counting at 10th zero, and so he agreed that for his sons 16th birthday he'd get a 747 Boeing Jet full of Pink Ping Pong balls. They both watched the giant jet land, and his dad asked "why son?" and his son looked at the jet, then down at the ground, then up at his father "next year dad". His dad having gotten used to this response turned and walked back to his limo. On the boys 17th birthday eve his dad loyally asked him "17 son, your nearly a man, what do you want?" His dad didn't flinch when his son replied "....a shipment of Pink Ping Pong balls". His Dad dismissed the cost of such a thing, they were imported that way anyway. As they both stood upon the wharf and watched the enormous tanker dock, smelling the sea breeze and the barge fumes, and father looked at him and his son replied knowingly "when I'm 18 dad". And so a year later it was nearly the boy, well adult's, 18th birthday. His father said to him "okay son, I've done you the honour in buying you your very first car! Actually there's several, I got you a Bugatti Veyron, Lamborghini Reventon, a customised McLaren F1 that can go underwater, a - " "Actually dad", his son interrupted, "I want 10 warehouses full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad stopped, "Okay son, for you. But I'm still giving you the cars". The son and his Dad both shook hands on it and sure enough the 18 year old boy had his gigantic series of hanger, full of Pink Ping Pong balls. Roughly 4 months after his 18th birthday, his son was driving one of his cars his father had bought him. After driving at speeds in excess of 350km/h he had skidded out of control, rolled the car and ended up being transported by helicopter to the emergency ward. He was critically injured and lay in his hospital bed, attached to many machines, monitors and medications. His father was right by his side, and when awoke he groggily said to his Dad, "Dad, I'm dying", his Dad replied "NO your NOT son, your stronger, your stronger..". "I ask one thing of you before I die" his son said. His father nodded "anything". "I want....one Pink...Ping Pong ball...". His father looked at him long and hard, " I will get it, but you have to promise me, as you have over all these years, why Pink Ping Pong balls." His son nodded weakly. And so his father left and returned with, as he promised, one Pink Ping Pong ball. He knelt next to his son and gently wakened him, "son, here it is" and he put the ball into his son's hand. "Now son, tell me, why Pink Ping Pong balls?". He son licked his lips and said "Well Dad," and then he died.

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What's worse than a spray tan? - A spray tan of hydrochloric acid.

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MOOOOOOOOOOO

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There once was a man from Peru, Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke with a fright in the middle of the night and realized that his house was being robbed.

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There's a pile of dead babies with one live baby on the bottem eating it's way out.

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A black man sits down to have a legal conversation with his state appointed attorney for the first time being arrested. They lawyer advises him to tell him the truth of exactly what happened. He proceeds to do so and is provided with excellent legal advice.

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what do you call a baby in a blender? A really funny event.

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What's the difference between working at Mc Donalds and working as a hooker? A hooker gets paid more.

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whats funnier than a dead musim? a guy who begs a girl to go out with him for 16 hours

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Why did twenty mexicans run down a hill? There was a marathon in the area.

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An owl and a squirrel watch a farmer walk by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls are not capable of human speech. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

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There is a mountain and there are three men, One is asian and the two others are black and white. "This is for my people!" Said the asian man when he was falling for his death. "This is for my people!" Yelled the african american. Then he takes the American man and throws him off the mountain

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What are the seven wonders of Kentuky cows,drugs,liquor,moutain due,moster trucks,shot guns and trucks oh and I for got Crackle barrle.

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I think I am done here friend, it always comes to this, it has always been easier for me to repair whatever is wrong with others and get my kicks out of that, as I know I can and will repair everything wrong with myself, but its hard as hell, I mean I never give up, ever. But that does not change the fact that I am broken, and that simply deciding that I am not, is far from enough, its a choice indeed, but its like deciding to constantly walk trough hell, and sometimes that hell is also called living, that too is always a choice, And believe me, I would never quit, I guess that if this hell I struggle trough has so many nice things in it, it just feels like hell at times. I mean the main motivation behind my ability to help others, has always been searching for answers low and high, and when what I have learned trough life helps others, but barely scratches the surface of the armor I am confined within, I lose hope, do you believe that my desire to help humanity grow, derived from my own incompetence at curing myself?

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There was a jew, a german and you Despite you were there, the holocaust was You should feel guilty

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What do you get when you cross a Poodle with a cupcake? Stop looking at these anti-jokes and get back to work.

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What do you get when you mix a ginger with gasoline? a forest fire.

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Most of these Anti-Jokes are Anti-Anti jokes, which makes them funny, if they were actually Anti-Jokes they wouldn't be funny at all.

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Q: knock knock who is there A;dunno go check

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whats worse than jonny james obviously

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yo' Mamma's so fat when she stepped on the scale, she said "hey, that's my phone number"!

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Why was the black man forced off of the roller coaster He had heart disease

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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