How could you wake up Lady Gaga? poke her face

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okay so one time my dog was eating an octopus tail and i was all like...Bro! octopus are our friends dont eat them! then he was all like okay...so later i saw my goldfish eating a blue kangaroo and i was all like bro blue kangaroos are our friends dont eat them and she was all like okay.. so then i saw my sandwich eating itself and i was like bro...let me eat you instead! and it was like okay. then i saw a bear eating you so i was like bro....thats all i said before it ate both of us :( and thats the story of why i have 6 toes on my left buttcheek

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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What did Iran say to Israel? ALLLLAHH

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knock knock whos there? orange orange who? orange you pissed off your wifes taking in the ass from another guy right now?

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its's not rape if you yell "suprise!"

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What did one volcano say to the other? Hey.... wana get some lunch... later, not now of course it's WAAAAY TOO EARLY!

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What is the saddest thing in a porno? He doesn't really love her.

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What do you call a Mexican in a kitchen? A chef.

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What do you call an apple in a washing machine? My lunch!

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"Whooaaa Momma." - Says Johnny Bravo

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How does camon Die? He kills himself because he didnt make it into the marine corps

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Q: Why did the little girl fall off the swing? A: She didn't have any arms.

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A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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Why does Owen Wilson have an ugly nose? Because of his refusal to get plastic surgery.

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Whats the difference between a field of corn and a dead body? The field of corn wasn't killed by severe blood loss and hemorrhaging after it was stabbed in the back, stomach and abdomen 27 times in 1987, where the escaped convicted serial killer buried it beside a river in Northern Dakota.

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One man said to another, "Hey, can you hear that?" "No." He replied.

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A white man, hispanic man, and a black man walk into a bar together. They order cokes.

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Yo mama is so fat that her belly button reaches the door 15 minutes before she does- by Adam Chebali

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Where's a bad place to park your car? In a no-parking zone

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What do you do when a taco eater gives you guacamole? Thank him, and politely smash it in the face of the nearest trashy tourist.

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Who saw 9/11 as a miracle? The undertakers

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What did the blind, deaf, and dumb child get for Christmas? Cancer.

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What do cookies and Ruber have in common? Ones edible one is not

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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