What does a baby sound like when put in the microwave? I don't know, I was masturbating.

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Why did the people thumbs-up the anti-joke? Because I threatened them with A GUN

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Why cant the white man dunk? Because he lost his legs in a horrible car accident

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Why did the one-legged chicken say déjà vu? It felt a strong sensation that the current event had been experienced in the past.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Society.

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What did the headless man say? Nothing. The man can't speak because he doesn't have a head.

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Roses are red Violets are blue But this is Italy So let me fuck you

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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? I don't eat hot dogs. Thank you though.

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I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis.

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Why can't Sally ride her bike? Because Sally is eight months old and doesn't even understand what a bike is.

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When life gives you Corn Nuts, snack on them while watching your favorite TV show. Then go to sleep early and have a nice, peaceful rest, dreaming about the fun things you'll do tomorrow.

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Mexicans are like waffles

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If file gives you melons, you might be dyslexic

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Justin Bieber walks into a Gay-Bar. He is then kindly escorted out because he is underage. Also, because the patrons gave him certain looks that brought concern to the heterosexual bartender.

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ROB SNIEDER ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS A CAARRRRROT! rated pg-13

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What do you call someone who can't move their arms or their legs A quadriplegic

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What do you get when you cross and unicorn with a loaf of bread? Cantaloupe

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It's a bird! No it's a plane! No you idiots, it's only a cloud.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being shot repeatedly in the chest.

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What do you call a black man who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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What do you call an Arab flying a plane over New York? The Pilot.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms

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my president is black, my lambo's blue, $14,400,000,000,000 national debt

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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