You can buy me a rose, and if I love roses, that rose would make me happy, you can buy me a large house by the ocean, but if I do not like big empty spaces and dislike the sea, it would make me sad. I am no longer sure what would make me happy, so no.

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in 2001 a man was working happily in his office cubicle and got an email from his boss saying that he had great news for him. filled with excitment he knew he was getting A big promotion and could finally afford that new toy his kid has always wanted. Feeling great the man walks up to the office window to enjoy the view he notices a very large commercial airliner flying straight towards his office.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she has no arms.

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What did the man say to his wife at the funeral. Nothing, he was dead

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what do you call a middle eastern man on a plane? a passenger.

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A child with cancer grows up.

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Chuck Norris can beat an eleven-year-old in a fight.

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When the clock strikes the bell at elephantasourous during my erectionn i screw myself CC

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One day Satan, approached his dad and said: DADDY I love you so much, I want to be just like you! That story did not end up so well did it?

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What is grey and smells like sand? A Rock.

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Q: What do you call a hobo asking for change? A: Get off my driveway!

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch? I don't know, I don't have a watch anymore.

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A seal walks into a club.

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why are they called the melbourne storms? Because you turn 360 degrees and walk away

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a brunette? One is blonde and one is brunette.

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What did the beaver say to the other beaver? Nothing because beavers are wild, indigenous species thus incapable of speech.

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What's yellow and if it gets in your eye, you'll die? a yellow train.

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Can Geico save save you 50% on your car insurance? Does a former drill sergent make a terrible therapist?

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Why did the Jew pick up the penny? Because he dropped it

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When is a Jew the sleepiest? Depends on the time really... some people sleep and wake up on different biological calendars.

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whats the difference between chuck norris and a normal human being? nothing

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why did the dog go inside the church? cuz the door was open.

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whats used in the kitchen and hurts like fuck? a cheese-grater dildo

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A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll it be." The bear mauls his face off and kills several other patrons before police show up and fire three rounds in it's face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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