What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. She's already been told twice.

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A man was getting surgery on his knee and the surgeon accidentally left a knife in his leg. The man's leg was severely infected and he proceeded to die in the following weeks. His family will mourn this loss for years to come.

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what do get when you blend zebra, a cow and a walrus? A not very good smoothie

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Whats yellow and cant swim? a bulldozer

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A zebra was on his way to a water hole. On the way he met 6 giraffes. Each giraffes had 3 monkeys around their neck. Each monkey had 2 birds on their head. How many animals went to the water hole? A:One, the zebra.

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What sounds really bad? An accordion.

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Why didn't little billy have any friends? Billy bought a rifle, and shot everyone he had ever seen or talked to, even his family. Billy then tripped on his walk home and fell off a bridge, and into the ocean. Then a shark came and swallowed him. That is why you should never kill your friends and family because it will come back and bite you. Don't be like billy

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Person 1: You know whats funny? Person 2: No! What? Person 1: A joke!

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poke her face? No slap her bum!

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Knock, Knock ..... ..... No one is home, they've been evicted.

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Knock, Knock Who's There A dyslexic kid with aides

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What do you call a prison inmate with no arms or legs? John. That's his name.

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I enjoy vagina. While you enjoy penis in your mouth. Just remember God hates fags. :)

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Whats worse then any minority? inter-minority breeding.

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And the winner of Miss America 2050 is... Britney Spears!

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I asked the librarian for a book on suicide. She said "I'm sorry we don't have those in stock." So I just hung myself.

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Bob and his family were looking forward to going to an all inclusive holiday to Spain. When they got on the plane, a bomb went off, causing Bob to realise that he was never going to see his family again, and that they were about to suffer a horrific, painful death.

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"bluar blah blah blarRR/ the stupid pointless part" dead people/ animals/ objects can't talk/ drive/ operate compueter, lol I'm so focken funni

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Why does it take more than one blond to replace a light bulb? Because one had no arms, thus requiring the help of another person. It just so happened that that other person was a blond.

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How do you get 100 illegal immigrants into a furnace? Tell 'em it's England.

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I can't stand 9/11 jokes Their just plane wrong!

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i went through your mum like a plane on 9,11

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A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

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The man goes to the doctor after just losing his job because his company went under because of the econmic crisis. His house is being foreclosed because without the money from his job he can't afford to pay for his house. His girlfriend also just left him because of recent conflicts about money and she was looking forward to having a family and with him jobless it was just out of the question. Man:"Doctor I could really use some good news" Doctor:"You have aids"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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