why didn't the food in your microwave warm up ? because you didn't press start.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Don't look! I'm naked! No, seriously! I'm naked!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

"Nice pair of crocs" said nobody

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man asks his wife to make him a sandwich, she proceeds to make a sandwich using rye bread, lettuce, two slices of tomatoes, a variety condiments, mustard and several slices of American cheese. The man eats the sandwich at a parade with his wife celebrating Woman's Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How did Eric Clapton's son fall to his death? He crawled out the window.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

how do you have a great time in a college town you don't

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did the woman cross the road? to get to her full time job as a lawyer.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you feel when you kill a terrorist? Recoil -USMC

thumb_up thumb_down -107

After waking up at the break of dawn, a man saw his dogs food dish was empty. In slight excitement for his dog to finally eat after his dish being empty all night, he called his dog in from outside, expecting him to go straight to his food dish like always. The dog walked by without noticing.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A dyslexic man walks into a bar, which happens to be holding a support group for dyslexic people tonight. The name of the bar and all patrons are palindromes to avoid confusion.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were stuck on a desert island, because they were touring investment property islands off the coast of Dubai and their boat had engine trouble. They were eventually picked up in a helicopter.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Nero, its not that, people are leaving left and right, you where right when you told me that I was holding into the remains of a rotting corpse, the underground society is dead and money alone will never bring it back, but I got the funds and you the talent, is there nothing that can be achieved? You are a lawyer, you write novels, you live a family life, you work for who the hell knows what organization, is this what you traded your, or if I may say, our legacy for? I dont suspect you Nero, I am disappointed in you, part of me wishes you where a backstabber, rather than the one that just quit.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: What did one raccoon say to the other? A: We do not know, as raccoons do not speak any human language. And no human being can understand or communicate with one.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's the difference between a Pogo-stick and a Unicorn. A lot actually.

thumb_up thumb_down +161

what happened to the woman who was a prostitute? She was arrested because it is a crime

thumb_up thumb_down +27

You know what's addicting? Heroine.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you make a clown sad? Throw a brick at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Most of men think: the bigger dick they have, the more pleasure they can give to woman. Most of women don't thinks so, becouse they haven't got a dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

what did the guy who had unsafe sex get? A good time

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A blond, a brunette and a redhead jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground last? Depends on their weight and drag co-efficient.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What is the difference between a jew and a tree a tree is awesome and a jew is a jew

thumb_up thumb_down +128

If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the chicken cross the road ? Possibly because it saw some sort of reason to do so, and being a chicken. Doesn't see the danger in motor vehicles.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the black man buy a gun?? He enjoys hunting legally

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops