Hollywood presents: "HELP US MARIO! THE WORLD IS BEING OVERWHELMED BY KOOPA AND HIS FORCES OF TURTLES!" "What the hell do you want me to do? I am a damn plumber, squish them? Besides they are just turtles" "Oh yeah..." Steven Spielberg: Get bay on this script, at least its much better than the first one.

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In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. He then created the water, the sky, land, sea creatures, land creatures and humans. He rested.

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what did the black man do for his family? nothing

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My Girlfriend

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who can jump higher than mount everest? anyone. mount everest cant jump

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

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why wouldn't the printer print? because it had no ink.

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Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? A: You can't wear cleats on a trampoline.

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? To get to the other side!

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What do you call a chicken with its head cut off? A dead chicken. Most likely ready to be cooked/eaten

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There was an old man from Limerick. He was of scottish ancestry and nearing his 76th birthday.

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Roses are red Violets are blue What was I saying? Oh yeah, your adopted.

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I feel like am motherf***ing stuck in this dock and it makes me wana quack like what the hell is THAT!

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What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? ...an owl with a bungee cord.

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What is worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 1 dead baby in 10 trash cans

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? You set her on fire.

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What happened to the man who was hit by a car? He was immediately rushed to a hospital and was reported to have a broken femur dislocated shoulder and several broken ribs. The driver was later found and was declared driving under the influence of alcoholic beverages and the victim's family sued the driver for the medical costs. The driver was arrested and was sent to a detention center for 3 months and the victim made a complete recovery.

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i would like to know if the rumors about the moon being made out of chees is true because nobody told me it was CC

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Lets make like trees and stand still

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A black guy and a Mexican are sitting in a car who's driving??? The Cops

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Why should this joke be funny? It shouldn't, because its an anti-joke.

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The neighbours challenged me to a water fight so I am updating Anti jokes while i let the kettle boil.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blood is red also Nothing else is blue

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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