why are fire engines red? well books are red magazines are red 2 two plus two is four four times three is 12 there are 12 inches in a ruler queen elizabeth was a ruler, queen elizabeth was also a ship, ships sail in the sea fish swim in the sea, fish have fins, fins fought the russians, russians are always red, fire engines are always russian. and THAT is why fire engines are red....

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What would Billy Mays do if he were alive today? Yell.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Womens rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I can't rhyme Refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why didn't the [any object] catch on fire? Because there was water on it. Why didn't the [other object] catch on fire? Because there was water on it. [repeat ad infinitum]

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

:(Sneeze) :Bless You :Thank You! :Mention it :Thank You!

thumb_up thumb_down -103

why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey wahy did the third monkey fall out of the tree? it thought it was a game why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? because it had no arms why did the little girl fall off her bike? she got hit by three monkeys and a refridgerator

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Three bears take a bath Red bear asks for the shampoo Blue bear wants the soap Wait... That's not a joke, that's a Haiku

thumb_up thumb_down +80

F@ck me in the ass until I say STOP. Before we start, can you please ducktape my mouth?

thumb_up thumb_down +74

A blonde tries to kill herself cutting both her wrists.Why didn't it work? Because her boyfriend found her just in time and managed to stop the bleeding and took her to the hospital. After some years of therapy they get married and live happy together for the rest of their lives.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Whats big white and can't climb trees? A Fridge. Whats red and bad for your teeth? A Brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

What's worse than 4 black guys sitting in a Jeep that goes over a cliff? They were my friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What do a duck and a bike have in common? They both have handlebars except the duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: A serial killer B: I don't feel comfortable opening the door

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

An Irishman walks into a bar. His alcoholism is tearing his family apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water. jack fell down and broke his crown, and is now in intensive care.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

A man walks into a park and presents candy to children. They request more candy and thus are laureded into his van. They are raped murdered and never seen again.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why doesnt mexico have an olympic team? Because all the mesicans that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

I went seal clubbing the other day but as I was the only one with legs, the dancefloor was quite lonely

thumb_up thumb_down +150

Your mom was so stupid that she went back to school and now she is graduated with a degree.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Guess what? What? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops