"What's up?" "A movie about an old man who takes his house to South America by tying balloons to it, who accidentally brings along a young boy with him and they have an adventure."

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Whats wrong Nero? What happened? Please pick up the phone, I am trying to call you, but it just goes from dialing to changing tunes, please do not be upset with me, what did I do wrong? I thought we had an understanding, please just pick up the phone, if you already have my number and all you got nothing to lose...

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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There are 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving? The police.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Your landlord your being evicted we need you out in 2 weeks.

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A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Fire extinguisher. Fire extinguisher who? POMEGRANITES.

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What is white and shaped like a refrigerator? A refrigerator.

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You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

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yo mama is so dumb, she got all Fs on her report

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What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot.

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Barak Obama, Justin Bieber, and Lindsey Lohan all jump out of a plane. all of their parachutes deploy. except Justin Bieberrs, he then dies of cancer

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Theres a blonde and a brunette at a party. The redhead is left out because she has no soul.

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A man with no legs walks into a bar. Just kidding...

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: A sad, unfortunate dog.

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Why was a black man in a police car? He is a police officer.

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What's redder than a red apple? 2 red apples

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit on the way there.

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What's Funny About A Black Man Being Shot? Nothing, That Man Was My Friend.

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Why could'nt Susie talk? The mafia cut out her tounge

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Why did the young boy drop his bus. He was hit by an ice cream.

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A horse walks in to a bar. The barman says: "Why the long face?" The horse does not reply because it is a horse and can neither speak nor understand English. The horse is startled by it's surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables on it's way out.

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What is the difference between a park bench and a Mexican? The park bench can actually suport a family A. Woj

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Hurricane sandy should have been named hurricane snooki because it ruined the jersey shore

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops