How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Tie her up and force her to watch as you brutally murder her entire family.

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What did Bobby get for Christmas? Nothing, Bobby is an orphan and has no friends.

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What do you call a mix between a beaver and a mammal? You can't mix beavers and mammals, and even if I had said a platypus that would not have been funny.

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A guy walks into a bar. He order three drinks and hands them to the lady behind him. It's because she is an alcoholic.

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Where did Officer Blackman find the missing child? A shallow grave.

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What did the cow say to the farmer? 'Moo.'

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Hey dude ask me if im a tree!? Are you a tree? No

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Q:What do you call a dog with no legs? A:It doesnt matter he's not gonna come

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A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

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How many jews can you fit in a buick? 6...only if you squeeze 4 in the back.

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Take my wife. . . . to the hospital. She is dying from a gunshot wound to the head.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it wanted to get the waffle ice cream cone that was on the ground next to the little child who got hit by a bus.

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How did sally fall off the swings? she had no arms. Knock knock, who is there? Not sally.

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Two men are waiting for the traffic light to cross the road. One looks at the other and says 'Hello!' The other replies 'Hello!'

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Why did Jack and Jill fall down the hill? Because they were donuts

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Wana hear something dirty? Mud

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Two people walk into a bar, the third one ducked.

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-hey sam look what mom gave me for christmas -what eli? -a new baseball bat -thats your prosthetic leg silly

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Lockerbie bombing

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why'd the chicken committed suicide?? to get to the other-side

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In 2012 at what age are Americans allowed drink? At any age. liquids are vital for human beings to survive.

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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Where did little Annie go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops