- Anti Joke

What is exceptionally dangerous? Shaving while taking a bath, because the risk of electrocution is extremely high.

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what happens when a hamster bites your arm? your arm bleeds

roses are red turtles are random. cancer

1 woman and 2 guys were on a roadtrip. Every single day they would go do the same things. First go to Denny's, then to the mall, then see a horror movie. One day the woman said, "I don't want to go see the horror movie, I'm scared enough!" So the guys agreed that they'd trick the woman into going to a horror movie before Denny's. They went, and the woman was scared out of her mind. She yelled at them both for 30 minutes and to this day never speaks to them.

A man walks up to his boss and asks "Do you want to hear a funny joke?". His boss replied,"Yes". Before the man could finish his joke, his boss had a heart attack and died instantly. The next day, when he's in his car with his wife, he asks "You want to hear a joke?", the wife replied "Sure,". before the man could finish his joke, a car hit them and the wife died but the man happened to survive. The next day, he sat on a bench mourning, his friend walked up to him and asked, "Why are you sad?". the man answered, "Every time I try and tell a joke someone dies!", his friend said, "That's not true, just tell me the joke." "Ok" "Two Pigeons walk into a-". Before he can finish his joke his friends is kidnapped and killed. Sadly, the man walks to a ledge, jumps off and commits suicide. The End

Richard Nixon walks into a bar. Everyone is thrilled to meet a former President of the United States who returned from the grave.

How do you get a elephant in a fridge? You open the fridge and put it in. How do you get a Rhino in a fridge? You take the elephant out and then put the rhino in. All the animals in the animal kingdom are at a meeting, what animal isn't there? The rhino, his in the fridge. How do you cross a river full of alligators? Walk across the allligators are at the meeting.

What do you call a Rhino and a Lion having sex? Pointless, since they can't reproduce

Why did the black man cross the road? Because he was greeting his new neighbors that moved in across the street. He was very friendly.

Why didn't the black man finish his lunch? He wasn't hungry

Brenda said she found a pill to stop the effects of aging! It was a cyanide pill, Brenda is dead.

Simon walks into a bar. He orders his favorite beer. The bartender says "Hey Simon, I see you're back with the usual, aye?" Simon says "Touch you tongue to your elbow." The bartender couldn't do it.

Knock Knock, Who's there? The Postman. But I wasn't expecting a parcel. Is it for 37? No, Sorry, its for 35.

Yo momma's so old, she lives in a nursing home and is on various medications that she needs to take to stay in optimum health.

Why did Susie fall off the swing?? ShE had no arms. Knock knock... Whose there? Not Susie

Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy, But I have a gun, So get in the van

Why was the Jew so happy? He had a good day

what is the worst thing a bout four black men driving a Cadillac off a cliff? they were my friends

A man walked in a bar and asked for 10 shots. (not descriptively) The bar tender got his gun out and shot the man 10 times. Another man asked for three stabs at it. The bar tender stabbed him 3 times. The last man asked for a bomb load. The bar tender gave him 100's of granades. Then the man bombed down the bar with the bar tender inside

How can you tell the difference between a black man and a white man? Quite easily actually.

patient: Doctor, doctor, i think i'm a lemon. Doctor: racial segregation and presidency is my middle name.

A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god."

What happens when a toad is struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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