what do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and see your tv floating thats odd.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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Why was Armando unable to be found by his friend Ashley ? A: They both were murdered 7 years ago, and bodies are unable to do anything if they lost their soul that was with that body.

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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What is similar between a dog and a cat? They are both dogs except for the cat.

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What's Blue And Fat? A Brick. I like to lie a lot.

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Q: What was the proctologist doing on the street? A: He was observing the assfault.

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mary had a little lamb it's fleece was white as snow and everywhere that mary went it did a massive shit

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Why was the minority crying? He had something in his eye.

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How are this and that alike? They aren't.

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Q: Why couldn't the little girl ride a bike? A: Because she didn't have legs.

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A girl is talking with her boyfriend - God, you're selfish!!! - No, i sell meat.

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Why did the old man lose his cane? He didnt. He had alzheimers

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the bird fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the squirrel.

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What's brown and seven feet tall? A door

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape his burning car wreck.

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How do you make Jacob cry? Take away his xbox

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs, lying outside of your house? An ambulance, he's clearly in trouble.

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How do u turn on a lamp? Flip the switch

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A man walks into a bar, and then a second man walks into a bar. The third man ducked.

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Why did a black man bring a baseball bat to a white man's apartment? Because he was stopping by his friends house before heading to a rousing game of baseball.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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How do you stop your golf ball from hitting a goose? You dont.

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i'm an inbred jew - Barras

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops