How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They brutally whipped and tortured her.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Playing chess with a pigeon is like having an argument with a christian. No matter how good you are at chess, the pigeon will just knock over the pieces, crap on the board and strut around like it's victorious.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Whats worse than contracting H.I.V.? nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why was the boy sad? Because he met Larry.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

what's harder than dodging bullets? dodging rain

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A horse walks into a bar and then out of the bar

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's yellow and has six legs ? A cat. I may be wrong about the color and the legs, I'm color-blind and I can't count.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Where does the king keep his armies? In a variety of military barracks and bases situated around his kingdom where they are ready to be deployed for combat or peacekeeping operations.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's the difference between a large pizza and a black man? The pizza is a delicious Italian classic dish, while the latter is a human being which man frown at the notion of consuming.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender immediately tells him to leave as they don't allow pets.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I went to see a fight and all of a sudden a hockey game broke out.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? there were no more cars in the way

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Knock Knock, Get the f*ck off my porch

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a muslim with an RPG? Holy Shiite

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Did you hear the one about the priest, the rabbi, the astronaut, the olympic diver, the mcdonald's employee, and the web designer? Neither did I...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: what did the hot dog say to the hamburger A: i want your buns

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Who's fat? Holly Davis.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

LOL -LOL GUY

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did Darth Vader say to Luke? I am your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

panda bears are racist to mexicans-they are black, white and asian

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Why was the boy sad? I don't know, ask him.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

What do you call an Italian baby born with an extra toe? He was named Vincent Antonio Linguini and has been doing well with six toes.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops