A Polish man came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I'm home!" What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife. Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun, put it to his head, pulled the trigger, and died instantly. His children and lecherous wife are forever scarred.

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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What the difference between a black man and a pizza? A black man is capable of feeding a family. A pizza is capable of feeding an American.

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Which came first the egg or the chicken? The chicken because eggs can't cross the road

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Guy 1: "Hey, you have some updawg on your face." Guy 2: "Oh, thanks. Did I get it?" Guy 1: "Yeah, I think so."

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your mama is so stupid i believe she will have a difficult time finding employment in these rough economic times

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An alcoholic walks into a bar. He is destroying his family.

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What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin boys? Thomas and David after his father and grandfather.

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A mother and father heard their young son sobbing in his room, so they ran upstairs to see what the problem was. When they got to his room, they found the older son was dead and hanging from the ceiling. And the younger son was actually laughing, not crying.

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Wanna hear a joke? Good, go ask a comedian.

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What's the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds? They're of legal age to give consent.

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Dylan Eichas

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how do you kill a bear. -you shoot it.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottishman walk into a gay bar. And why shoudn't they.

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Q: What happens when your name is Gretchen Weiner? A: You can never make "fetch" happen.

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what did one lady say to another lady? we are both ladies

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Why was Jim fired from his job at the sperm bank? Continual absenteeism and inconsistent work.

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GIVE

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What happened to the prisoner who dropped the soap while in the shower with other men? Another prisoner picked up and gave it to him and finished showering and felt squeaky clean.

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Your mom is so...wonderful.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse doesn't reply because horse can't talk.

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If you lose your left arm, your right one will be left.

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Q:I finished my Homework A:thats what she said

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Knock knock. Who's there? Not Madeline McCann.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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