Customer Service "May I help you?" "Yes."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red, violets are blue, Gee, I wish I could partake in even the first two lines of this stanza, but alas, I have colourblindness.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the floor. How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail the other one to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

a boy with asperges asked me a question today he asked me again and again because he has asperges

thumb_up thumb_down +6

WELCOME TO THE GARLIC BOYS SHOW! So kids, what are we gonna eat today? POTATOES! FUUUUUUU! Moral: You say tomata, I say WROOOOOOOONG, you say cheap I say your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: What's worse than finding out you have genital herpes? A: Finding out your grandmother gave them to you

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I'm getting sick of holocaust jokes can't you Nazi Anne Frankly I'm sick of it

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what did the women with no arms and legs say to her daughter? go to your room.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red Violets are blue Peas are green Plums are purple Thieves are black

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Looking's for free... Touching's for free.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

an autistic child eats its family's dogs poop and dies

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why is it when birds fly in a "V" shape one side is longer? There's more birds on that side.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Nowadays, aviation is the most secure means of conveyance in the world, but paragliding is not.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

did Michael Jackson touch children ? yes of course. otherwise he would have been an absolutely terrible father

thumb_up thumb_down +6

So a guy goes to his doctor because he thinks he has an STD. He asks the doctor "how bad is it doc?" to which the doctor replies "Well, I got the test results and it doesn't look good. You've got chlamydia, gonorrhea, and onomatopoeia. The guy asks "What's onomatopoeia?" The doctor replies "It's exactly what it sounds like"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A middle-aged white woman is walking toward a building, talking on her cellphone to a friend. She says, "Yes, I can meet you for lunch in a few hours. I have to go to the unemployment office to sign up for benefits. It's going to be horrible. It'll probably be full of black people." Standing in line, she is incredibly uncomfortable and horrified, because there is a black man right behind her, and she is stuck standing next to him for a long time. Finally it's her turn, and she steps up to the counter. The clerk asks her, "And what did you do for a living?" She answers, "I mopped the floors and cleaned the bathroom in a Blockbuster store that closed down." The clerk says, "Fill out this paperwork and take it to window #2." As she turns around, she is once more repulsed by the black man who is standing right there. Now that it's his turn, he steps to the counter, and the clerk asks him, "And what did you do for a living?" He answers, "I was the senior vice president of global strategic development for Eastman Kodak."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? His sons funeral was on the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was the dog hairless? I lied, it was a pig.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: It depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Their is a stripper, a prostitute, and a pole dancer on a plane that is about to crash. They all die.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

It's about 3 days from Mother's Day. What do you get her? Nothing. Nothing is a very powerful thing. hehe thats what she said.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red Violets are blue I have ADD Oooh a cloud

thumb_up thumb_down +6

knock knock who's there? faith

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops