A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What will Postman Pat be called after he retires? Pat.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the beach ball pop? Because it stepped on a sharp chocolate chip cookie!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: If I have 13 icecubes, and you have 12 icecubes, how many pancakes can I fit on the roof? A: Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the rainbow sun say to the flower-faced elephant? "Want some tea and hamsters?" I'm addicted to acid.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Q. What is worse than being British???? A. Not being British

thumb_up thumb_down -21

what does a blue watermelon and a cactus that looks like a penis have in common? orange ya glad i didn't say banana!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Two monkeys are having sex. They both realize they're boys.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

So there's this boy who really love clowns. His room is adorned with circus and clown posters and his one dream is to go to a circus and see a clown. One day he sees an ad in the newspaper for a circus that was headed toward his town. He begged and pleaded to his parents to let him go, and when they finally agreed he was ecstatic. The boy was in awe of all the things that the circus held, elephants, lions, tightrope walkers and trapeze artists, but there was nothing he was more excited for then the main show with the clowns. He took a seat and out came the clown on a unicycle. The boy was having the time of his life, when the clown suddenly called for someone from the audience. The boy immediately ran to the center of the stage. The clown asked the boy "Are you a horse's head?" then held the mic to the boy. "No," he replied. "Are you a horse's mouth?" "No." "Then you must be a horse's BUTT!" The crowd erupted in laughter and the boy was mortified. He ran out of the circus tent and vowed never to return. He grew up with a hatred for clowns and even had to see multiple therapists. 30 years passed and the boy was now a man. The man looked in his morning paper, only to see that a circus was in town. He decided he would visit one last time. There it was, the elephants and tightrope walkers. And then he saw it, the same clown from 30 years ago in the same show. He walked up and the clown asked the same questions. "Are you a horse's head?" "No." "Are you a horse's mouth?" "No." "Then you must be a horse's BUTT!" Then man the took the microphone from the clown and said, "Screw you clown."

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Q:How many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A:Just Juan.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

A married man takes the ring off his finger.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

Why'd I have sex with your mom? I'm your father and I love your mother very much

thumb_up thumb_down +54

hi, im sober.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What did Pittsburgh say to Philadelphia? .........Lightbulb.........

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Take My Wife- Because as it stands, I'm having frequent, toe-curling, unprotected sex with your wife. And that just doesnt seem fair.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "How'd you open the door?"

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Q: How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, possibly two if the lightbulb is high up and someone has to hold the ladder.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her? They sent her to her room.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Lol, listen, the suggestion lies in the "not not", you are using not twice in your mind, which under trance makes it so your subconcious registers that you are using a double negative while you consciously do not. Look back at the messages and register consciously that you and I have been using "not not" twice during the past messages, when the net shuts down here, you reinforce the "I will totally notnot, tell him" so the suggestion just gets stronger.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you make a dead baby float? -you take your foot off its head.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Knock Knock Who's there? Can people stop posting grammatically incorrect jokes on here. Half of the sentences do not make sense.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Knock Knock Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who? What? No? I'm here to inform you that your child won't be coming out of that coma, I'm sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

oliver is gay. so much so that he has hex with other men and dosent mind it very much

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A little boy asked his mom what fucking was, so she showed him.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops