if life thows you lemons ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED

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Q. What goes 100 mph and is green? A. A frog in a blender

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Why was 10 afraid of 9? Because 9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1...Kaboom!

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Q: What's worse than seeing a scorpion A: being stung by that scorpion

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A rapist is asked to teach a kindergarden class. The kids learn many things and have a great day.

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Your mother is so stupid because as a child, she was unable to keep up with what was being taught as she unfortunately had a learning disability.

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Do you want to hear a good anti-joke? Well I don't have one.

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Your friend is so gay that he isn't attracted to hot women

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Whats is worse than a dog bite? A shark bite. Whats worse than a shark bite? The Holocaust.

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Roses are red, violets are purple.

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What is similar about a goose and newly weds? They both aren't chairs

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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How did Jesus walk on water? Jesus is God in the form of a man, and he is the only human being ever with the ability to perform miracles

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Women's Professional _________

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two scientists walk into a bar. one says, "i want h2o." the other says, "i want h2o too." the bartender gives them both water and nobody dies because he is not irresponsible enough to give someone concentrated hydrogen peroxide as a drink.

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what worse then stepping on a lego? watching your son kill your wife

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A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel on his crotch, and the bartender says, "What's that?" and the pirate says, "A deadly tumor."

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A dyslectic man walks into a bra. It was dark and he didn't see the laundry his wife hanged on the clothes line.

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a sabertooth walks into a club. the caveman set his trap perfectly.

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Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

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so three men walk into a bar and one is a priest.

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What do you call an unfunny comment that demeans a group of people? Bigotry

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What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run, 'cause she's got a grenade in her mouth!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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