What do you call an arab flying a 747? A pliot.

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I told a woman to make me at turkey sandwich. Of course she complied seeing as I was at Subway.

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Oh

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A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

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Two muffins are in an oven. Muffin 1: Gosh it's hot in here. Muffin 2: Holy Crap! A talking muffin!

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Sarah Palin walks into a bar and the bartender tells her to get the f*&k out.

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What happens when you put a cat in an oven? Don't, because it will die.

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How do you make a man sad? By drowning him in a Bede.

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What did George W. Bush say to his wife when he got home? I'm home.

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Why did the taxi driver kill the blond? He didn't. It's illegal to murder people in most countries.

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There is an Asian, an American, and a Mexican on a falling plane. The pilot announces that the plane is plummeting out of the sky and says that he needs to drop the cargo. The pilot drops the cargo but the plane is too heavy still. The pilot tells the passengers to drop some personal belongings. The Asian drops rice, the Mexican drops his guns, and the American throws the Mexican and yells "Remember the Alamo!".

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why couldn't the little girl play on the swing? Matty Russel was chasing her

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Where's Justin Beiber? With his girlfriend.

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Why was the Nazi killed? for crimes against Humanity

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Why couldn't the boy see? He was dead

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Why did the man murder his wife in cold blood? Because she was alive before he killed her.

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If a tree falls in the forest and it does it make a sound? No, Trees can't talk

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That moment when you and your friends throw snowballs at cars in the dark on the highway and the cops spotlight your area while you hide in a shed...

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How many dead lions can feed a bluejay? Bluejays don't eat dead or living lions, so this is highly improbable.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a shed? A: Considering babies are incapable of rational thought it is unlikely they would understand how to employ the correct method to paint.

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Two white people walk into a bar what do they say? "hi"

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What did Pittsburgh say to Philadelphia? .........Lightbulb.........

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Knock Knock Whose there? Lemons Lemons who? The fruit

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Anti-Joke.com Best thing since something better that preceded it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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