- Anti Joke

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy! But iI'm on bath salts and your face looks tasty!

I meant to state that I threatened to kill him unless he refused to state that I broke his knees (and broke his wrists, I forgot to mention that too, such misery... ...Give a real man a chance here, its not every day I have to kill my mother... But you still wont hear me whining about it, asked my wife if she forgave me if I spent the rest of the day smirking, after all my mother "had visions" where my wife was Satan, which is fun, since I was also Satan the day I was born... Because my name is Nero... A NAME SHE GAVE ME! Still, not very dignifying getting the shit beat out that old hag because she was on some blend of angel dust, and still not so fun killing her by biting half her neck off... ...Literally not so fun, kinda fun? You bet, tasted disgusting, watching her choke to death was...Lets just say I have shared enough joy with you for one day.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Earlier that morning the farmer's daughter had inadvertently left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distracted of late. Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soy-bean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture remover's van as it attempted to make its way home. Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam, caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman. "Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flies". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most iridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.

What's the resemblance between a chicken? Its legs are approximately equal, especially the left one.

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs sitting on your street corner? Suicidal.

Billy and Jeff wanted to go on an adventure so they planned a safari in Africa. Everything was going as planned until they were in a sticky situation: whether to cross a narrow bridge above the crocodiles or not. Billy tells Jeff "Hey whats the worst thing that can happen?" Jeff was diagnosed with cancer and died the next morning.

You know what's stupid and gay? Idiots and homosexuals, respectively.

A cat walks into a Chinese restaurant. It is then asked to leave.

What's worse than getting raped? Getting anal raped twice

A: Knock Knock B: Who's there? A: The Police. We have a warrant for your arrest.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Everything I did, Was just a mistake like you.

Q: What did the skeleton order when he walked into a bar? A: A beer and a mop.

What did the boy say to his friend? "Hello!"

I like my women how I like my ice-cream Out cold.

A man with ADD walks into a bar, what did he say? Look a squirrel!!!

What starts with D and ends with ICK? Drumstick.

Q:What does a wheel a triangle and a circle all have in common A:There all round, I lied about the triangle.

Guy 1: "Smells like UpDog in here." Guy 2: "No it doesnt.."

What is 6 1/2 inches when erected? My penis.

Q: How do you drown a black guy? A: Hold his head underwater and sit on his back.

What would you do if I ripped your face off? Bleed to death.

What do you call a dog with 5 legs? A dog with 5 legs.

What did the Dinosaur say to the other dinosaur when he saw a huge meteor? Oh hey look a meteor.

A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks "What'll you have?" and the duck says "Quack". The bartender is then promptly fired and committed to the nearest mental institution for thinking that ducks can talk and order beer.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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