Old guitars sound like cat's guts

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Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

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What do you call a black man who goes to college? A scholar.

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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I came home from my doctor`s appointment today, I told my sister that I was diagnosed with The Super rare "Spontaneous Erections Syndrome" (S.E.S) a very rare disease that can seriously impair the victims life in general, especially the social life, as symptoms may show themselves even among friends, pets, grandmas, enemies, and even close family! She told me that everybody knows I a just a kinky pervert with bulge so big it scared girls away instead of attracting them. Excuse me, what the hell is patient confidentiality good for if my doctor is going to call my sister and tell her everything she said to me afterwards?!

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What do you get when you cross something with another thing that one would normally not cross with the aforementioned noun? A better love story than Twilight.

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What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane? There's no such thing. 500,000 people can't fit onto one plane.

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What do Ethiopians do at night? Starve

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Where did Sally go in the bombing? Everywhere

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Why was the little boy upset? He was on fire.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he does what he wants.

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Q: How do you get an elephant in a refrigerator in three easy steps? A: You open the refrigerator door, you put the elephant inside, you close the refrigerator door. Q": How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator in four easy steps? A": You open the refrigerator door, you take the elephant out, you put the giraffe inside, you close the refrigerator door.

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yo moma so stupid she went to the dentist for a bluetooth.

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whats 2 + 2? a black guy flying a kite

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Why doesn't Michael J. Fox drive a stick shift? He was raised in an urban area and was only taught to maneuver with vehicles that shifted automatically.

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Know whats worse than a worm in your apple? Getting fridges thrown at you.

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Why was the child lying in the scrap yard? because he was being torn apart by guard dogs.

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I hate chocolate. I hate it so much. It sickens me. The only thing I hate more than chocolate is people that like chocolate. I hate them even more. Do you know what happened to the last person I met that liked chocolate? NOTHING

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3 men are stranded on an island when they come across a brass lantern. The rub it and nothing happens. They all starve to death a day later.

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im at school

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A man walks into a bar... The steal bar hurt his face and had to get stitches.

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Why did the frog commute suicide ? Because His mother was a type writer

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What is the difference between a rock and a pencil? Your Mom.

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How do you get a jewish girls number check her wrist

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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