What did my dad say when i knocked over the christmas tree? nothing, my father is dead

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What's dried up and smells like potatoes? Potato ships and school french fries.

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Your'e probably not going to laugh at this joke, it wasn't made to be funny

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this is a haiku i have no idea where i am going with .... this

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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jamie is a noob jamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noobjamie is a noob

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Uber Driver: "Hey I'm close, where are you?" Me: "oh, I see you!" Uber Driver: "Are you that guy in the middle of the road?" Me: "yeah, floor it"

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Why did the goose cross the road? Because the chicken was on vacation

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A german walks into a London Pub. He turns to the man on his left and says, " Hallo Kolleginnen und dort bar Mäzen. Ich bin gespannt zu sehen, ob wir eine Beziehung herzustellen, wie ich gesucht Gespräch, als ich in der wunderbaren Kultur, die London zu bieten hat. Ist das in Ordnung mit dir? Heil Hitler"

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Why did the polar bear cross the road? He didn't, there are no roads in Antarctica.

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Hey, what’s your problem? I’m a Catholic whore currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works in a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam. a.w. j.p.

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What did the cop say to the people watching the house fire? All right nothing to see here jokes over

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

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what did the baby say to his mum? he sed bfirbvuirnvkjwmndckie

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How did little Jimmy survive the 20 story fall? He couldn't he died from the last fall, aren't you paying attention?

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A coach walks into the team dressing room at halftime; his team is down 42-0. He screams at the players, "You guys are playing like a bunch of grannies. No offense"

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give a man a blow job and he'll come for a second. teach a man to blow job and .... no that just doesn't work

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says "I just found out I have AIDS"

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Why didn't the cow go to the candy store It had diabetes poor cow :(

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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Why did the man die? He helped others before placing his own oxygen mask on?

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why did Susay fall of the swing? Cause she had no arms

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What did the man say when he found out he had cancer? Nothing. He was so in shock, that he later died from another type of cancer.

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The day the forces of light fight the forces of darkness, we will all live in darkness no matter who wins. Pure darkness will not allow you to see. Pure light will blind you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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